- These Are The Best Reasons To Stay Single, So GTFO Cuffing Season
- 10 reasons being single is good for your health
- 1. You’re totally in charge of your happiness.
- 2. You may be more successful at work.
- 3. You have a strong sense of self.
- 4. You’re more ly to be (and stay) in shape.
- 5. You’re able to avoid feeling lonely.
- 6. You sleep more soundly.
- 7. You can create your own routine.
- 8. You’re more resilient.
- 9. You have richer friendships.
- 10. You stress less about money.
- 25 Reasons Why It Is Great to Be Single (While Everyone Around is in a Relationship)
- 1. Embrace Your Vulnerability
- 2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity
- 3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking
- Final Thoughts
- More Tips About Living Your True Self
- “Why Am I Still Single?” 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single
- 16 Reasons The Best Women Stay Single The Longest
- Have something to say? Tweet the
These Are The Best Reasons To Stay Single, So GTFO Cuffing Season
Still-sweltering temperatures aside, fall is officially here — which means the beginning of cuffing season, when singles flock to dating apps to find a partner to cozy up with during the long winter months.
If you're single and starting to feel serious pressure to settle down and enter romantic hibernation, don't fret: although being coupled up definitely has its perks, there are still plenty of good reasons to stay single, too.
Particularly if everyone around you is paired off, it's normal to feel pressured to find a partner to cuddle up with (and drag to boring family parties) during the winter holiday season.
But just because ~everyone else is doing it~ doesn't mean you should feel the need to jump into a relationship if you're perfectly content flying solo.
“If you're happy, then there's no reason to push yourself to be in a relationship just because society expects it,” Kali Rogers, Founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, tells Bustle. “Happiness is not a one size fits all, and can only be measured by the person experiencing it. So if being single makes you happy, stay single! That's all there is to it.”
Simply put, if you don't want to be in a relationship right now (or ever), there's no shame in choosing to remain single… even during cuffing season. Honestly, sometimes it's even better to be single than dating. If you need more convincing, here are 12 of the best reasons to remain single, courtesy of a recent AskReddit thread.
If you're tempted to settle for someone meh (or even someone straight-up bad for you), just remember that no relationship is always better than a bad relationship — so staying single might be the wisest decision.
If you want a healthy partnership, it's worth your while to sort out your own issues before entering a relationship.
It might sound cheesy, but the whole “you have to love yourself before someone else can love you” cliché is pretty accurate.
Choosing to stay single until you're happy on your own shows real maturity, and will lead you to a stronger, healthier relationship down the road.
Cuddling with someone every single night sounds fun in theory, but when you're dating a blanket-snatcher or a chronic snorer, you'll wistfully reminisce on your single days. On its own, being able to sleep however you want may not be enough of a reason to purposely stay single, but having all that room to stretch out in bed is certainly an underrated perk of being partner-less.
Obviously, not all relationships are exclusive and monogamous, but if you are monogamous in relationships, being single is a chance for you to explore your sexuality (if you want to, of course).
Although not every long-term couple chooses to combine their finances, if you're hesitant to enter a serious relationship because you want to keep your money management totally to yourself, that's OK.
If you're a serious couple, you'd most ly eventually take on each other's debts and expenses — which not everyone wants to do.
Plus, if you aren't dating, you save money on things dinner dates and anniversary gifts.
If you tend to hop from one long-term relationship to the next, it can be really helpful to take some time to be single and really get to know yourself as an individual instead of one-half of a couple.
It doesn't matter whether you use the time to build relationships with friends and family, explore new hobbies, or travel the world — being single and working on your relationship with yourself will really help you grow.
Not every relationship is built to last, and sometimes we simply outgrow our partners and need a fresh start. If you're feeling stuck in a relationship where you're not totally fulfilled, it's OK to break up and take some time to be on your own and figure out what you want in a relationship.
One of the hardest things about being in a relationship is adjusting to the fact that you have to take your partner into account when you make decisions — your choices and actions can affect not only you, but your partner, too. If you'd prefer to only be accountable to yourself, that's a sign you might be happier staying single for the time being.
It might seem a minor detail, but if you're single, you never have to “compromise” on what shows or movies you want to watch — which is a highly underrated perk of being single, IMHO. Added bonus: when you're unattached, you have no obligation to go to anyone's boring work parties but your own.
There's no shame in preferring your own company over that of an significant other. If you want to be single just so you have unlimited alone time, that's totally your call.
Relationships have the potential to bring us lots of love and happiness, but when you open up emotionally to someone, it also opens the door to be hurt or betrayed by your partner one day. If you can't stand the thought of being cheated on or lied to, it might be better to remain single until you're ready for the emotional vulnerability relationships require.
Don't get me wrong: you can be in a relationship and still be independent and have the freedom to do your own thing. But if you're the type who needs total independence — you want to do whatever you please, whenever you please — then the single life might better suit you.
Whether you desperately want a relationship, feel indifferent about finding a partner, or are totally opposed to being tied down, there's no one approach to romance that's better than any other. Your worth isn't defined by your relationship status, so it doesn't matter if you're single, dating, or taken — as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.
Check out Bustle's 'Save The Date' and other videos on and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
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10 reasons being single is good for your health
With all the “We’re engaged!” pics popping up on social media, it may seem everyone you know is one half of a happy couple.
But if you’re riding solo these days, you’re far from alone: A whopping 64% of Americans ages 18 to 29 reported being single in 2014, up from 52% in 2004, according to a Gallup poll.
And for the first time in U.S. history, single people now outnumber married folks at any age.
Whether you’re consciously uncoupled, living it up as a single guy or girl or trying to find solace until you meet the right person, know there are serious health perks to the single life — both physical and mental.
1. You’re totally in charge of your happiness.
People in a relationship often assume their partner will take care of certain things, or they’ll figure out any issues together, says Wendy Wasson, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and founder of MySingleSpace, a site devoted to the happiness of single adults. Being single challenges people to be more responsible for their own well-being.
In fact, the stress of problematic partnerships is often from the misplaced expectations that you and your partner should be doing things to make the other happy, Wasson says. If you’re unattached, you avoid this trap.
2. You may be more successful at work.
There are a lot of factors that go into how happy you are at work, but without a significant other., you’re freer to pursue your career choices without constraints, says psychologist Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., social scientist and author of “Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After.
” Meaning: You don’t have to take into account what your partner thinks you should do, what city he or she will be able to find work in or whether you think the job you most want will pay enough for you to pull your financial weight in the relationship.
Research even suggests singles may enjoy their 9-to-5 more since they value meaningful work more than married people do.
Of course, it can be dangerous to make yourself too available to your employer or co-workers (i.e. you stay late or work weekends just because you don’t have someone waiting for you at home), DePaulo points out. But having the flexibility to log long hours can certainly pay off if your goal is to move up the ladder fast.
3. You have a strong sense of self.
“As an adult, your goal is to be autonomous, or psychologically independent,” Hecker says. It’s what we often call our sense of self — your identity and your ability to empathize, love, share, control aggression and otherwise form healthy relationships, she explains.
“One of the risks of being in a close romantic relationship is that your sense of self can get merged with your partner’s, to the extent that you could lose sight of who you really are,” DePaulo says. This is less ly to happen to single people.
Savoring solitude and experiencing things unselfconsciously can teach you what defines you as a person and what brings you happiness. For those who are happier uncoupled, the benefit of this is obvious — you learn how to simply be happy for life. But for those who do want to be half of a whole, discovering this while you’re uncoupled can actually benefit your future relationship.
4. You’re more ly to be (and stay) in shape.
One Great Britain poll found that among the scarily high number of people not logging the recommended 150 minutes of physical activity per week, almost three quarters (73%) of them were married. Singles and divorcees were more active.
Why? Single people want to be in better shape to attract a potential mate, and they might be less ly to skip the gymto get home to make dinner together or trading your Saturday morning run for lazing around in bed with your sweetie. “Many single-at-heart people generally just take better care of themselves, including exercising a lot,” DePaulo adds.
5. You’re able to avoid feeling lonely.
“There’s no question that loneliness is a dangerous source of stress, but it’s an incorrect assumption that people in long-term romantic relationships aren’t lonely and single people, by default, are,” says Terri Trespicio, a writer, brand strategist and founder of online workshop Break-Up 911, for the newly single.
When you’re single and feel lonely, you typically turn to and invest in multiple someones ( friends and family), strengthening your support system and easing your loneliness.
6. You sleep more soundly.
Snuggling is great and all, but if your partner disturbs your sleep because of a sleep disorder, different bedtime or simply tossing and turning all night, it can seriously mess up your sleep.
“People with obstructive sleep apnea can make a great deal of noise and are very restless, which can disturb their partner,” says Steven Scharf M.D., Ph.D., director of the University of Maryland Sleep Disorders Center.
There’s also periodic limb movement disorder (where one flails about in their sleep), REM behavior disorder (which includes “acting out” dreams), sleep walking, night terrors — the list goes on.
If you’re single, you aren’t forfeiting the endless health perks that come from eight solid hours a night.
7. You can create your own routine.
Without a partner and the accompanying obligation to someone else’s schedule, you control your time — which means you can create a routine that works for you, Wasson says.
And research shows that people with structured schedules — consistent meal times, bedtimes and events — have a higher quality of life and higher chances of staving off mental illness.
Go ahead and start that blog, take that photography class you’ve been wanting to try and keep up your weekly brunch dates with friends.
8. You’re more resilient.
Yep, you’re tough. Think about it: Singles are making their way and thriving in a society that values and celebrates coupled people, DePaulo says. Plus, regardless of how great your support network of friends and family, you’ve probably learned to handle stress on your own better than someone who has another half.
In fact, the RAND Corporation, which has been studying military members wounded in 9/11, found that the wounded warriors who were single were less ly to have symptoms of PTSD, more successful at overcoming injury or illness and less ly to have emotional (i.e. depression) or physical (i.e.
obesity) health problems compared to those who were married or divorced.
9. You have richer friendships.
We’ve all experienced it, either in our own relationships or those of a friend: Couples hang out more and more with each other, and less and less with other people. Turns out there’s actually a psychological term for it — dyadic withdrawal, says Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D, associate professor of psychology at Alright College in Pennsylvania.
Studies show singles are more attentive to their siblings, parents, friends and neighbors compared to married people, regardless of whether the couple just started dating or have been together for years.
Why should you care? Well, for starters, lacking social bonds is comparably as bad for your health as smoking, according to a study that found people with fewer close friends were 50% more ly to die within the seven and a half years after the study, regardless of age.
10. You stress less about money.
For women, being single could mean scoring a bigger paycheck. A 2010 analysis found that among unmarried, childless women under 30, there’s actually a reverse gender gap wherein these ladies are earning 8% more on average (but up to 20% more in certain cities!) than guys of the same group.
Being on your own financially means there are no surprises when it comes time to make a big purchase, get a loan, or apply for a credit card — and no guilt for whatever you decide to buy with your hard-earned cash (as long as it’s not your entire paycheck!).
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25 Reasons Why It Is Great to Be Single (While Everyone Around is in a Relationship)
Last Updated on April 17, 2020
We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.
When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.
In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.
Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.
If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.
According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.” Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.
No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.
When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.
Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.
1. Embrace Your Vulnerability
When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.
Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.
When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.
Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.
In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.
It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.
You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.
Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.
What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?
You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.
That’s where we all should be.
So, answer me this:
How are you, really?
And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.
Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.
Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.
Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)
Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.
It’s taking control.
2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity
You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by staying true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.
You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.
In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.
Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.
You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…
Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’ When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.
But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?
It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.
In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You
It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.
Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:
Change will happen.
Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.
You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.
And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.
You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?
That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.
You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.
When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.
3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking
Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.
In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.
If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s you rise twice.
Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.
Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable. It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved. It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.
How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?
Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.
“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.
Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.
Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.
It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.
Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,
“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”
What would you do if you felt you were enough?
By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.
So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.
By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.
Staying true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.
When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.
You will find that making decisions what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!
More Tips About Living Your True Self
Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com
“Why Am I Still Single?” 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single
Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives.
They may have just gotten a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. The point of this article isn’t to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box.
However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “why am I still single?”, here are some unconventional answers that lie within.
When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s hard not to feel that you are a victim. After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn’t always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.
To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives.
We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can’t. We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions.
So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges I need to face?
Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended.
This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods, when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults.
These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.
If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection.
You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead, you seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past. You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up.
As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.
2) Unhealthy Attractions
When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners. We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.
Because this process is largely unconscious, we often blame our partner for the relationship’s failed outcome.
We tend to feel devastated or hurt by the repeated rejections without recognizing that we are actually seeking out this pattern.
Why do we do this? The reasons are complex and often our own embedded fears of intimacy.
Many people have an unconscious motivation to seek out relationships that reinforce critical thoughts they have long had toward themselves and replay negative aspects of their childhoods.
These may be unpleasant, but breaking with old patterns can cause us a great deal of anxiety and discomfort and make us feel strangely alien and alone in a more loving environment.
Our fears of parting with the image we developed of ourselves early on and starting to see ourselves in a more positive light paradoxically make us feel uneasy and may trigger self-attacking thoughts , “Who do you think you are? You’re not that great.” These fears may cause us to hold on to relationships without potential or to feel attracted to people who aren’t really available, because they reinforce our negative image of ourselves, which feels more comfortable and familiar, albeit painful.
3) Fear of Intimacy
As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, wrote in his article “You Don’t Want What You Say You Want,” “Most of us profess that we want to find a loving partner, but the experience of real love disrupts fantasies of love that have served as a survival mechanism since early childhood… Pushing away and punishing the beloved acts to preserve one’s negative self-image and reduces anxiety.”
Our fears surrounding intimacy may manifest as concerns over someone “liking us too much,” an understandably irrational reason not to date a person.
Or we may punish the other person by being critical, even engaging in nasty behavior, essentially making sure we don’t get the loving responses we say we want. The reality is that most people can only tolerate a certain amount of closeness.
We are defended about letting someone else in. In effect, on a deeper level, we don’t necessarily want the love we say we want.
Our own defenses often leave us feeling pickier and more judgmental. This is particularly true after we’ve had bad experiences, where we were deceived or rejected by a person for whom we had strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts , “There are no decent men out there” or “All the good ones are taken.
” Men may have thoughts , “You can’t trust a women” or “Women are all out to take advantage of you.” We may have unrealistic expectations for a partner or pinpoint weaknesses from the moment we meet someone. When viewing the world from critical or distrusting eyes, we tend to write off a range of potential partners before even giving them a chance.
We think of dating certain people as “settling” without ever seeing how that person could make us happy in the long-term.
A friend of mine felt closed off to a man who pursued her for more than a year. Although she saw him as kind, funny and smart, she convinced herself that he was “too into her.” She said he was too needy and was sure he would wind up getting hurt by her. She often stated that she just wasn’t attracted to him.
The men she was drawn to instead tended to be unreliable and emotionally distant. At her friends’ insistence, she finally agreed to go on a date with the man who’d been pursuing her.
What she found, to her surprise, was a high-level relationship choice, a partner with whom she shared a great deal of mutual interest, and, ultimately, genuine love.
What hers and so many similar stories show us is that when we think we are “settling” for someone, we may not be settling at all.
We may actually find ourselves in a relationship that is so much more rewarding than those we have experienced.
Ironically, initially we tend not to trust the people who really us, but when we give them a chance, we find that we’ve chosen someone who values us for who we really are, someone who can really make us happy.
5) Low Self-Esteem
So many people I’ve spoken to have expressed the same sentiment. They believe they want a fulfilling relationship more than anything, but they believe even more firmly that no one worthwhile would be interested in them. We all possess “critical inner voices” that tell us we are too fat, too ugly, too old or too different.
When we listen to these “voices,” we engage in behaviors that push people away. When we remain single, it is not for the reasons that we’re telling ourselves. Our lack of confidence leaves us giving off signals of not being open, creating a catch 22 in the realm of dating.
Many people even have trouble leaving the house when they’re really down on themselves, let alone pursuing situations where they are ly to meet potential partners. Some struggle to make eye contact or are reluctant to scan the room for who they might be attracted to.
When they are drawn to someone, they may fail to pursue their strongest attractions for lack of self-esteem.
6) Fear of Competition
A lack of self-esteem often leads to fears of competing. It’s easy to put ourselves down in relation to others, especially when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we , it’s all too easy to think, “He/she could do better.” When we see that someone else is interested in the person we , we may be quick to back away.
We may feel unwilling to compete, particularly as we get older, and we start to have self-attacks “Your time has passed, you’re too old for this.” Our fears of competition can lead us to avoid putting ourselves out there. We may be afraid of looking a fool or of not being chosen.
We may even have fears about winning the competition, thinking we will “hurt the other person’s feelings” or that our success will result in aggression from the loser. The simple truth is: dating is competitive. It is scary to take a chance and go for what we want and compete, but when we do, we most often find it is well worth it to face our fears.
We end up with a stronger sense of self, and we increase our chances of creating a relationship with the partner we really desire.
7) Isolation and Routine
With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones. Modern women are more and more successful, accomplished and self-sufficient, which are all extremely positive developments.
Yet as both men and women get more comfortable, be it financially or practically, it is also easier for them to form a bubble from which it is difficult to emerge. It can feel harder to take risks or put themselves out there.
After a long day’s work, many of us may feel more putting on pajamas and crawling into bed than going out into the uncertain and anxiety-provoking world of meeting people.
The encouragement we feel to stay home or stay safe often comes from our critical inner voice. This inner coach offers self-soothing words, “Just stay in tonight and relax. You’re fine on your own. Have a glass of wine. Watch that show you .
” The problem with this voice is that it later turns on you with thoughts , “What a loser you are, home alone again. You’ll be lonely the rest of your life. You’re not getting any younger! No one will be attracted to you.
” Many of the activities we use to “comfort” ourselves actually make us feel bad in the end, as they result in us avoiding pursuing what we really want in life. It’s important to resist falling into a comfort zone and to repeatedly challenge the influence of our critical inner voice.
We should take action and make an effort to get out into the world, smile, make eye contact and let friends know we are looking for someone. We should try new activities and even try dating diverse people as a means to discover new parts of ourselves and what makes us happy.
As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating. In effect, we put what we have learned “down on paper,” but what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. When we act on rules our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships.
A woman I know once dated someone with whom she had amazing chemistry. When it didn’t work out, she decided to stop looking for a guy she felt a strong connection with or attraction to. Instead, she made “reasonable” choices, and as a result, she found far less satisfying relationships.
It’s important not to make fixed rules or to buy into other people’s rules when it comes to dating.
Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. Yes, we might get hurt but when we stop taking risks, we reduce our chances of meeting someone we could really have a future with.
Relationship rules tend to go hand-in-hand with game-playing. They can lead us to act with less sincerity and authenticity, to close ourselves off from how we feel.
On the other hand, staying open and honest will lead us to find a much more authentic and substantial relationship.
Seeking love isn’t an easy quest, but it’s always best to take this journey on our own side. It’s important to fight the patterns inside us that hold us back from getting what we want. We can’t shield ourselves from the world or keep ourselves from getting hurt.
We all carry flaws, and these vulnerabilities are especially apparent when getting close to one another.
Thus, achieving intimacy is a brave battle, but it is one well-worth fighting for, each and every day, both within ourselves and, ultimately, within our relationships.
being single, do what you love, fear of intimacy, intimacy issues, learn to love, living single, making love last, relationship advice, relationship issues, romantic relationships, wrong relationship choices
16 Reasons The Best Women Stay Single The Longest
In a world where being coupled up or in a relationship seems all the rage, the reality is that being single can actually be better. While it’s nice to have someone to love, cuddle, and support you when things get scary, there’s nothing more exciting and fulfilling than the relationship you have with yourself. You get to do things on your terms, by your watch, and others be damned.
There may be pluses to getting married, but it can also be a bit overrated. Instead, being single for as long as possible is, at least for some women, the way to go. Here are 16 reasons why the best women stay single the longest. You just might realize you’re one of them.
You deserve an amazing guy.
Whether it’s for another human being or some job that you know you’re better than, you just refuse to settle in any way. Since that’s the case, you sure as hell aren’t going to waste your time being with someone who doesn’t live up to your standards.
You doing what you want, when you want.
You to come and go as you please, go to dinner when you want to, and sleep a la starfish position in your bed alone. You don’t need or want attachments that are going to interfere with your plans.
You’re a natural risk taker.
You’ve never been conventional in your thoughts or actions, and you’re the first one of your friends to sign up for cliff jumping or skydiving. You’d prefer to know the thrill of living on the edge, than huddling away in a life that’s ordinary.
You’re so unique that it’s not easy to find a good match for you.
You know, someone who has a penchant for jumping planes and drinking milk past the expiration date, too.
Your top priorities don’t include being someone’s girlfriend or wife.
Far too many women define themselves by being the girlfriend or wife of someone else.
They allow themselves to be absorbed into the life of another until they’re no longer their own entity. But you, the woman who’s going to stay sngle the longest, doesn’t buy into that.
You have an identity and that doesn’t involve being one part of a whole. You’re already whole.
You love the excitement of first kisses.
Kissing the same person for the rest of your life? Having sex with the same the person until you’re dead? Are you kidding me? You’re holding out and enjoying first kisses with new people as long as possible.
You want to taste all the flavors of the casual sex scene.
You never really know what you’re into until you’ve tasted all there is to offer, and casual sex is definitely the way to do that.
You’d rather not share your hard earned money.
In relationships, things become 50/50 and suddenly you have to watch your spending for the sake of your partnership. You’re not ready to give up your frivolous spending of your hard earned cash for the future of your relationship.
You don’t want to have to check in with anyone.
Nothing kills a night quite your partner texting you a 3am asking where you are. Screw that noise. You want to stay out until dawn if you feel it.
You love being the single girl at weddings.
Single women at weddings kill it in the guy department.
Not only do you have single men eyeing you, but married men who miss their single days, too.
It’s also a perfect time to celebrate the fact that you don’t have to deal with your own wedding anytime soon, which also mean more money for shoes, brunch, and trips to faraway places.
You don’t want to give up vacuuming in the nude.
Your apartment is a clothes-free territory, and you want to keep it that way ― whether you’re vacuuming, eating, or are sprawled out on the couch watching Netflix.
You love the freedom of not having plans.
Your singlehood allows you to drop everything on a Friday and jet off to Rome. When was the last time any of your married friends did such a thing?
You’re busy building an empire.
While others have a job, you have a career and it’s important to you to focus on that and go as far as you can in it.
You don’t have the time for someone else’s problems.
Being in a relationship means dealing with someone else’s crap, and you just don’t have time for that. You have your own problems, and once you get those figured out then maybe you’ll take on the drama of someone else and their issues.
You’re not concerned about your biological clock.
If fact, when others bring it up, you just laugh. Really? The only reason you ever look at the clock is to see how many more drinks you can get before happy hour is over.
You’re already in a relationship with yourself.
You don’t need to commit yourself to anyone else because you’ve got something really awesome going on with yourself. You can count on yourself, provide for yourself, and can make yourself orgasm no one else out there. You’ve got it made and plan on keeping things this awesome for as long as possible.
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Amanda Chatel Amanda is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle, Glamour, Mic, and Livingly. Other bylines include: Harper's Bazaar, YourTango, The Atlantic, Forbes, YouBeauty, Huffington Post, The Frisky, and BlackBook.
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