How to Be Happy Single: 7 Tips for Enjoying Being Alone Without Being Lonely

The Art of Being Happily Single

How to Be Happy Single: 7 Tips for Enjoying Being Alone Without Being Lonely

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

Over the past ten years, I always had a man by my side. I was always in a relationship.

I was in a relationship for eight years before my ex and I got engaged, then broke it off because of the distance—my ex’s reason. Not long after that I got into a two-year relationship with a man who loved, yet cheated on me. It was a messy breakup.

So after ten years in relationships, I found myself alone.

I’m thirty-one and single!

Recently some questions have bounced around in mind: What happened to me during those years? What did I get, gain, achieve in these two relationships? Why am I now alone? What will I do? How do I do things by myself?

Now what? Where to start?

I started to panic, to hyperventilate—until I found this quote:

Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”

Yes, I am scared. I was so used to sharing everything. I was so used to having someone around.

But the reality is I am my own person, and if I can’t enjoy being single, how can I enjoy being with someone else?

So I started reading about being single, and interviewing other happy single people. Surely I wasn’t the only thirty-one-year-old person who felt uncertain about her new singleness. I needed to find proven ways to be happy as a single adult woman.

In my research, I learned some important truths about being single:

1. Being single gives you time to be by yourself, with yourself

Finally, some me time. This is the time to reconnect with myself, a time where I can talk to myself, debating all the questions and answers that are bouncing in my head.

This is the time of reflection. This is the time of acceptance and letting go, which brings me to the second point…

2. If you don’t let go of the past, you will never appreciate the present

Yes, I have fond memories of my exes, but that was in the past. I know I will always cherish those memories, but I need to stop clinging to them to live for today and plan for tomorrow.

Buddha said every day you are born again—that means new experiences and adventures for today!

3. It’s only after you have lost everything that you are free to find out what you were missing

During those ten years, I lost love, a pregnancy, and my health. I truly believed I had lost everything. I can’t even start telling you how many tears I shed during those difficult times.

Now that I’m single, I have an opportunity to do all the things I put off while I was putting all my energy into my relationships. I have to believe that I will eventually have the things I lost, but for now I’m taking this time to enjoy myself and complete myself.

4. Change can sometimes be good

Part of me feels afraid of this quick change. Adaptation takes time, yet I’m already thinking of all the possibilities—meeting new people, going to new places, tackling new projects.

Sometimes change is the best thing for us, as it opens us up to new activities and environments.

5. Being single does not have to mean being afraid to love

My heart has been bashed, bruised, and broken. But I don’t feel traumatized, and I know I will love again. Hopefully the next someone will treasure and treat my heart with love and respect.

Staying open to love isn’t just about attracting a new relationship; it’s about being open to life.

6. Even if you’re single, you still have so much to appreciate

“Being single is not the end of the world,” a friend said to me. She continued by saying, “There are other problems that are more depressing than being single—hunger and homelessness, for instance.”

This felt a slap in the face to wake me up. It reminded me that even with a broken heart, I am still standing. I’m still breathing. There are still so many possibilities for me.

7. You’re not alone when you’re single; you still have family and good friends

I am lucky to have a supportive mother and sister. They are my sanity—my light. Spending time with them relaxes me in a way. I’m also fortunate to have wonderfully good friends who are always there with open arms, ready to listen and support me.

I know for sure I can always share my happiness and sorrow with them. I can always depend on them without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. And now that I’m single, I have even more time to devote to being there for them.

8. Being single is a call to focus on yourself

Sometimes being in a relationship can make you lazy about developing yourself. You can get so comfortable that your goals take a back seat.

When you’re single, it prompts you to look deep inside yourself and identify the person you really want to be—whether you’re in a relationship or not.

9. Something better will come your way if you’re open to it

I found a lovely quote through , “To see a rainbow, one has to pass a storm.”

When something bad happens, we tend to concentrate on the negatives, forgetting that there must be something positive hidden somewhere in the havoc.

You will know happiness in the future—and in the present, if you’re open to it.

10. Life is a balance. When there is darkness there will be light

I believe that everything in life is a process. When something dramatic and fast hits us, it will take time to process it and start over.

I am starting over.

As a newbie in singlehood I still have a lot to learn, understand, and explore. I sometimes need to be reminded to be grateful for what I have.

As we all know, these words are easier said than practiced. So I hold onto one important idea that I’d to leave you with:

Change comes from within. You alone have to decide if you want that change.

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What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

How to Be Happy Single: 7 Tips for Enjoying Being Alone Without Being Lonely

Last Updated on December 23, 2019

Do you have a fear of being alone?  Do you worry about your physical safety or do you fear loneliness? These are strong negative feelings that can impact your health. One study found that when older people are socially isolated, there is an increased risk of an earlier death, by as much as 26%.

In this article, we will look into the causes of this fear and what you can do to overcome it.

The fear of being alone can be caused by by different things.

Maybe you were or felt abandoned in life before, for example you were an abandoned child or your partner broke up with you. And so, you came to associate being alone with being unloved.

A fear of being alone can also be related to a lack of self-confidence. A person who doesn’t believe in themselves may think that they are not worthy of love and that they’re not capable to make their lives better in any way.

And for some people, they are afraid of being alone because they don’t know how to be comfortable to be alone. They always want company as they’ve never learned how to enjoy doing anything on their own.

How to Overcome Your Fear of Being Alone

If you experience loneliness and are worried about your fear of being alone, these 6 ways can help you feel better:

1. Embrace Loneliness

When you are alone, it is important to embrace it and enjoy it to the full.

Wallow in the feeling that you do not have to be accountable for anything you do. Pursue your interests and hobbies. Take up new ones. Learn new skills. Lie on the couch. Leave the kitchen in a mess. The list can go on and on, but finding the right balance is crucial.

There will be times when being on your own is perfect, but then there will be a creeping feeling that you should not be so isolated.

When you start to enjoy being alone, these 10 amazing things will happen.

Once you start feeling loneliness, then it is time to take action.

2. Is Not the Answer

Have you noticed how people seek virtual contacts instead of a live, face-to-face interaction? It is true that social networking can provide an initial contact, but the chances of that becoming a real life personal contact is pretty slim.

Being wrapped up in a cloud of sharing, liking and commenting (and insulting!) can only increase loneliness.

When you really want company, no one on will phone you to invite you out.

3. Stop Tolerating Unhappy Relationships

It is a cruel fact of life that people are so scared of loneliness that they often opt into a relationship with the wrong person.

There is enormous pressure from peers, family and society in general to get married or to be in a stable, long-term relationship. When this happens, people start making wrong decisions, such as:

  • hanging out with toxic company such as dishonest or untrustworthy people;
  • getting involved with unsuitable partners because of the fear of being alone or lonesome;
  • accepting inappropriate behavior just because of loneliness;
  • seeking a temporary remedy instead of making a long-term decision.

The main problem is that you need to pause, reflect and get advice. Recognize that your fear of being alone is taking over. A rash decision now could lead to endless unhappiness.

4. Go out and Meet People

It was the poet John Donne (1572 – 1631) who wrote:

‘No man is an island, entire of itself, every man is a piece of the continent’.

Human contact is essential to surviving in this world. Instead of wallowing in boredom and sadness, you need to get out as much as possible and seek contacts.

Being a member of a group, however tenuous, is a great way. So when you are in the gym, at church or simply at a club meeting, exploit these contacts to enlarge your social circle.

There is no point in staying at home all the time. You will not meet any new people there!

Social contacts are rather delicate plants. You have to look after them. That means telephoning, using Skype and being there when needed.

Take a look at this guide on How to Meet New People and Make Friends with The Best.

5. Reach out to Help Someone in Need

A burden shared is a burden halved.

Dag Hammarskjold was keenly aware of this fact when he said:

‘What makes loneliness an anguish is not that I have no one to share my burden but this: I have only my own burden to bear’.

Simply put, it is a two-way street. Helping others actually helps yourself, here’s why.

Reach out to help and people will be there when you need them.

6. Be Grateful and Count Your Blessings

Study after study shows that if people show gratitude, they will reap a bountiful harvest. These include a stronger immune system, better health, more positive energy and most important of all, feeling less lonely and isolated.

If you do not believe me, watch the video below, ‘What good is gratitude?’  Now here is the path to hope and happiness:

Final Thoughts

As scary as the fear of being alone may seem, you’re capable to overcome it.

As you try the above suggestions to fight against your fear, you’re actually working to boost your self confidence. When you have more confidence in yourself, you value yourself more and believe that you’re always worthy of love even though you’re alone.

Truth is, everyone needs time to be themselves, gather their thoughts, relish the silence and just totally chill out. These are precious moments and are very important for your own peace of mind and mental refreshment.

So, learn to embrace loneliness and just remember you’re worthy of love!

More About Embracing Loneliness

Featured photo credit: John Tuesday via


The Fine Art of Being By Yourself

How to Be Happy Single: 7 Tips for Enjoying Being Alone Without Being Lonely

Source: Stocksy/Simone Becchetti

Most American adults have spent a non-trivial amount of time being untethered to other people. Almost everyone has spent at least a few years being single or otherwise socially “alone” – often due to relocating or starting over in a new place.

While some people get a lot of enjoyment these more independent years, for others, the absence of a stable social environment is an emotional struggle. If you’re having a hard time feeling happy on your own, try the strategies listed below. They all have cognitive benefits, and none of them include dating!

1. Get emotionally on board with your aloneness.

Alone-ness, in and of itself, is a neutral experience. It can be made a positive experience (“solitude” or “privacy”) if you’ve embraced it and feel in control of it. It can be a negative experience (“loneliness” or “isolation”) if you believe it means there’s something wrong with you.

The first step to being happy alone is to accept and embrace the fact that you’re alone. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re unable or unlovable. It simply means that, for now, relationships won’t be the center of your world… and that’s fine.

2. Develop a relationship with yourself.

It’s a mistake to think that you can only have a meaningful relationship with another person. The old adage that “the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself” will never ring more true than when you’re in a period of alone-ness.

To strengthen your relationship with yourself, make an effort to get to know yourself better. Ask yourself: What do I really value in life? What do I need more of? What do I need to be done with? What’s next for me?

Once you know the answers to these questions, you can start providing yourself with the emotional support and encouragement needed to pursue your newly-identified goals.

3. Let your passions run free.

When you’re in a committed relationship or constantly around a lot of people, you may notice that your list of “passions” starts to conform to what those around you enjoy. For example, if your boyfriend loves wine, you may find yourself suddenly more passionate about wine than you otherwise would be.

While this is not at all a bad thing, time to yourself creates an opportunity to explore some of your less mainstream (or less “impressive”) passions. Want to binge on all the Harry Potter books? Do it! Want to try out every sushi place in the tri-state area? Why not? This is the time to do it!

4. Make plans with yourself.

One of the more difficult things about being alone is the absence of regular events to look forward to. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to plan a regular date night. When you have a strong circle of friends, it’s easy to arrange recurring Sunday brunch. When you’re alone, it’s harder to establish these types of routines.

To counteract the “no plans” blues, pick out some things you to do and then build them into your day in a predictable way. For example, walk to your favorite coffee shop every morning and take a steaming hot bath every night. By creating your own routines, you’ll introduce that “I’m looking forward to that” feeling back into your life.

5. Get physical affection where you can.

Neuroscience has shown that physical touch is extremely important for happiness and well-being. For obvious reasons, this area of life can become sorely lacking when you’re alone.

To avoid the negative effects of physical alone-ness, give special attention to building physical affection into your life wherever you can. One way to do this is through hugs. If you meet up with even a casual acquaintance, be sure to end the encounter with a nice long hug. You’ll instantly get a rush of happy chemicals in the brain!

6. Make yourself proud.

One of the beauties of being alone is that you can live by your own standards. When you’re not beholden to other people, it’s easier to stop living by other people’s expectations of what you should be doing. This creates an opportunity to get clear on what you really – in your heart – expect from yourself.

Knowing what you expect from yourself allows you to start putting these expectations into action. With some effort, you can meet your own expectations and make yourself proud.

If and when you find yourself socially alone, use these strategies to start seeing your situation as an opportunity. It’s a time to grow and become the person you really want to be. The truth is, you won’t be alone forever. And when you start re-connecting with people, you’ll cherish the memories of your time alone!


10 Tips For Being Single And Happy

How to Be Happy Single: 7 Tips for Enjoying Being Alone Without Being Lonely
Frances Ha / Amazon.comThey say that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in something. As such, I should have earned beyond a doctorate degree in the art of being single.

Now, while I am far from an expert in anything, there are few things I’ve learned while being single that it seems some people overlook.
A lot of articles aimed at single women seek to show them how to snag a partner.

That’s great (albeit, most of it’s completely ridiculous) but what are you supposed to do in the meantime? Rather than sit and wait for another person to start your life…do it yourself.

my own experience, here’s a rough guideline that I try to follow:

This sounds obvious, I know, but a lot of people are afraid to do things by themselves. Go to the movies. Have a meal. Go shopping. It’s going to be okay…I promise, you will survive.

2. Don’t be cynical

This one is hard because there are times that feel hopeless. There are times when you will be disappointed. There are times when you will feel lonely. Don’t lose hope — don’t create a self-fulfilling prophecy that you don’t want to become true.

3. Travel alone

It’s weird…at first. But once the weirdness washes away, it becomes a freedom you don’t often have. You get to be on your own schedule and have the chance to spend as much time as you want doing whatever it is that you want to do — all while being in a new place. Explore! Create an adventure!

4. Develop self-awareness

I’m naturally a big proponent of therapy (you can take the girl psychology but you can’t take the psychology the girl) so use it to figure out what you want.

What are your dreams, goals, desires, setbacks? Explore the little nervous things you do and why you do them (I admit, I will keep talking and say too much because I’m otherwise afraid to let myself be vulnerable with another person — but I’m aware of it and I’m working on it).

Explore all of it in a safe place. Who are you and what do you need to feel complete? You cannot expect that to come from another person — that’s all on you. Own it.

5. Foster other relationships

Family and friends are there through it all. Relationships naturally ebb and flow over time so enjoy the time you have. Offer your undivided attention to others when you are with them (which is a good rule in general — single or otherwise).

6. Learn to feel

This is another obvious one, and it goes along with #4, but it’s very necessary too. Don’t let feelings build up. Are you disappointed, angry, sad, jealous, or excited? Whatever it is, acknowledge it. Decide what it means and what you’re going to do with this knowledge. Is it a hopelessly single night? Do you want to cry about it? Do it. It’s okay and you’ll ly feel better afterwards.

7. Meet new people

I am admittedly awful at this. Meet people without the intention of meeting a potential partner too. Just talk to different people; see what others have to say, and step outside of your comfort zone. Drop the self-consciousness and present your honest self (I’m always working on this part).

8. Be honest with yourself

Did you meet someone you really d? Did you just accidentally a photo from 2007 while you were snooping? Yeah, these things happen — and they will always feel embarrassing. You can either play games with yourself or you can be honest — it’s your move.

What do you have to lose if you tell someone you’re interested in them? Wouldn’t you to hear it? Yes, it’s terrifying, but it’s better than hoping they’ll eventually realize that you’re interested and decide to make the first move him or herself.

It can be terribly embarrassing and you may feel entirely silly but if it’s genuine to you — say it. Drop the games, you’re an adult. Be brave!

You should also extend this honesty to online dating. And relationships in general, too. Practice. It will help strengthen your other relationships and further your own self-awareness.

9. Be weird

On purpose. Do something you wouldn’t normally do — karaoke (extra points if you do it while sober. Again, I promise you’ll survive — if I can do it, so can you). Be weird, but be safe.

10. Make mistakes

Live your life, regardless of whether or not you are part of a couple. You will undoubtedly screw up at times, but it’s okay to live your life for you.

You shouldn’t have to wait for another person to be able to make moves. Take yourself out on Valentine’s Day or go out for drinks with friends just because. Try out something new.

If it doesn’t work out, it’s still an experience to learn from!

This is advice I’d promote to anyone, anywhere, but I’ve found it’s particularly helpful those who are single. Don’t be afraid to be single.

Use the time to develop yourself into the type of person you want to be. Learn who you are without relying on another person to complete you. And learn how to be alone with yourself.

Because if you can’t stand to be alone with yourself, why should someone else be expected to?

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15 Ways to Enjoy Being Single

How to Be Happy Single: 7 Tips for Enjoying Being Alone Without Being Lonely

Last Updated on April 17, 2020

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.” Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by staying true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’ When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

More Tips About Living Your True Self

Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via


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