- 10 Reasons Not to Get a Divorce
- The Worst Reasons to Get Divorced
- The 2 Best Reasons To Stop Divorce
- Here’s the truth:
- Your kids will get smooshed!
- It is much easier to repair your marriage and make it good
- So what should you do?
- It is not too late to stop your divorce process
- Believe in God
- So how can you fix something when you deny one third of it even exists?
- 54 Reasons Not To Get A Divorce
- If you’re considering or currently going through a divorce…
- If you’ve already been through a divorce…
- Single Life
- Parenting after Divorce
- Extended Family
- Single Parenting
- Marriage after Divorce (Blended Families)
- Distorts God’s Love
10 Reasons Not to Get a Divorce
The fact that a divorce destroys a person not only emotionally, but also physically cannot be denied. Basically, divorce sucks, no matter how you slice it. The divorce rates are increasing every day around the world. The reasons range from alcoholism, infidelity, lack of communication, physical abuse etc.
in today’s world, quick divorces are no longer a shocking matter. A vast number of marriages end up in divorces. A marriage is a two-way thing. You cannot expect your marriage to work by the efforts of only one partner. Both the partners need to work on the marriage.
If you’re thinking about getting a divorce, ask yourself the questions “Why?” and “Can we make it work?”. If getting a divorce does not help your current situation then maybe it is not a good idea to get divorced.
It has been found in a survey that a huge number of married couples that stay together even after not being happy, end up being happy together about not getting a divorce later in life.
Here, we have listed the top 10 reasons not to get a divorce and why you need to rethink your decision.
1. For the kids: It is the first and foremost reason you need to consider before getting a divorce: the kids. Always think about how the divorce would affect the children. Kids never get over such experiences. Their lives will never be the same.
They never get over the permanent breakup of their families. Kids who come from broken families often suffer from self-esteem problems, emotional and mental trauma. They feel torn between their mom and dad.
It hurts them badly to see their parents and families falling apart.
2. The custody: This reason is linked with the previous reason as it deals with children. A divorce changes the dynamics of a family. If your children are also involved in the process, you will become familiar with a dirty word, custody.
The thoughts of having to share your kids with your ex-partner are quite intimidating. You will not have your kids around you all the time you used to have. You will miss your kids when they are not with you. There is nothing the pain of a parent missing his or her child.
Getting a divorce also means walking away from your children.
3. Loss of confidence: After going through divorces, people start losing their confidence. They start questioning themselves. They become reluctant to make commitments and to get married again.
They had failed in marriage once and they do not want to fail in it again. Some newly divorced people start serial dating. Their confidence in desirability is affected. They may fall into a rebound relationship.
4. Loss of identity: When you are married, you are someone’s husband or wife. Even if you have problems in the marriage, you still know that you are someone’s ‘Mr.’ or ‘Mrs.’.
But once the marriage ends, you are no longer someone’s husband or wife. Women feel this problem the most because they go from ‘Mrs.’ to ‘Miss’ which is a bit uncomfortable.
The position you get in the society through marriage is taken away by divorce.
5. Emotional Trauma: For most of the people, divorce is devastating, emotionally. All your dreams are shattered which you were counting on when you decided to marry your partner.
Divorce separates you from that person whom you thought would stay with you for an entire lifetime. No one can deny the pain that comes with divorce. This pain is often ignored and sometimes, it is even covered up by a new relationship.
People do not stay the same after their divorce.
Recommended for you:
5 Ways to Avoid Fights with Your Partner
6. Loss of family: This is one of the most difficult parts of getting a divorce. For some people, it is the most painful as well.
It is often said that when you get married, you do not marry your partner but his or her family as well. The same goes for divorce as well. When you divorce your partner, you divorce his or her entire family.
Maybe you do not end your relationship with them, but things will definitely change.
7. Loss of friends: Your social life will surely change after a divorce. Someone’s marital status is actually very important in the society. Most of the couples being friends with other couples.
Being friends with two singles instead of a couple is quite disturbing for them. They often feel forced to take sides. They don’t feel comfortable being friends with a divorced person.
Hence, divorce makes you lose friends.
8. Financial Problems: When two people are together, they work together and accumulate good reputation and assets. But once, you are divorced, this building process is disrupted and both of you need to start from the scratch. Divorce is also an expensive process.
You need to pay for the legal proceedings, children’s custody, lawyer’s fee etc. Your assets also get divided. Even after the divorce, financial instability is prevalent because you start paying for two houses, instead of one. Raising a kid is also a huge cost.
All of these are very hard situations, economically.
9. Second marriage: No one s to be alone and spend the rest of his or her life alone after getting a divorce. Most of the people believe in second chances and hope for a better future. But it cannot be denied that there are a lot of complications in a second marriage.
You are less innocent and the history might even repeat itself. You have a constant fear of getting divorced again. You do want to love again but are scared of it and it is not a good way to start a marriage.
If your kids are involved too, they may not the entrance of someone new in their lives, which is very natural.
10. The promises: The most important reasons not to get a divorce are wedding vows. Both of you promised to stay together and married forever. You promised to stay with them in sickness and in health and for richer and poorer. You promised to love and cherish. Wedding vows keep you together when nothing else does.
Recommended for you:
Top Reasons for Divorce in India
Hence, we have concluded the ten reasons why you should not get a divorce. If you have a choice to make the marriage work, then do it. Consider all the above-mentioned points and then take any decision. You need to consider the consequences before you get divorced.
The Worst Reasons to Get Divorced
Tragically, so many couples are choosing divorce as a PERMANENT “solution” to solve TEMPORARY problems.
Some paths to divorce are very understandable. When there are longterm patterns of deceit, addiction, abuse or infidelity, it’s easy to see why the marriage ended.
In other cases, however, the reasons seem just plain pointless to me.
I’m not saying this to beat up on anybody or to poke fun at the seriousness of divorce, but I’m trying to help us all see that there are often much better options than divorce*.
*As a quick disclaimer, the point of this post isn’t to try to get you to “settle” by staying in a miserable marriage or to make you feel badly for having some of these thoughts about divorce. Rather, I’m trying to help you see the poor excuses that motivate couples to call it quits when they could be focusing on the ways to work together as a couple to make the marriage all it could be.
Here are ten common excuses for divorce that are completely impractical or illogical (in no particular order):
1. “We’ve grown apart.” (or “We’ve fallen love.”)
On the surface, this sounds reasonable, but when you get to the root of it, it’s dumb. It’s a misrepresentation of love. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a commitment.
When we base our choices on our feelings instead of our commitments, we’re destined to never have a solid relationship. Base your marriage on your commitments and your feelings will usually catch up.
Invest time into each other. That’s the only way to make a marriage work.
2. “We disagree about money.”
I’ve seen several recent studies that say money-related issues are now the number one reason for divorce.
The reason why it’s “dumb” to divorce because of money is that the process of divorce causes more financial devastation than almost anything else (that’s why divorce attorneys are rich and divorced people are broke). It’s important to get on the same page with money, but don’t divorce over it!
To help you out, check out my post on 4 simple ways to remove financial stress from your marriage.
3. “I’d be happier alone or with someone else.”
Happiness is a good thing BUT throwing away your marriage in the pursuit of it is a very bad thing. One of the most dangerous lies in our culture is the myth that the “pursuit of happiness” is more important than our integrity, our family, our commitments, or any other factor. Ironically, those who buy into this myth of chasing happiness usually end up as very unhappy people.
4. “We’re just too different.”
“Irreconcilable differences” is one of the most common (and one of the dumbest) reasons for divorce, and it’s a myth. There’s really no such thing.
Couples who make it work aren’t the most “compatible;” they’re the most committed.
For more on this, read my posts on Overcoming incompatibility in marriage and also ask yourself these 6 questions to ask before getting a divorce.
5. “My friends think I should get divorced.”
Chances are, your friends are dumb (at least when it comes to marriage advice). If someone doesn’t love you AND love your spouse too, they’ll never give reliable marriage advice. Besides, you didn’t vow a lifelong commitment to those friends, so if you have to choose between new friends or a new spouse, get some new friends.
6. “We have different parenting styles.”
So, let me get this straight…you don’t parent the same way, but it will somehow work better when you have two different houses, two different sets of rules and expectations, split custody, shared holidays, child support, inconsistent schedules, and a mountain of other post-divorce complications? Parenting is tough. I get it! But, working through it together as husband and wife is so much easier than navigating it after divorce.
To help you and your spouse get on the same page, check out this post on 7 ways parents harm their children without even realizing it.
7. “I can’t forgive him/her.”
Refusing to forgive over a past offense doesn’t punish the other person; it only hurts us. It’s been said, “Holding a grudge is drinking poison and then hoping the other person dies.
” If you don’t choose to forgive, you’ll take that bitterness with you whether you’re married or divorced.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean they’re “off the hook” or that it doesn’t hurt; it simply means choosing to pursue healing instead of punishment or resentment.
8. “My spouse needs to change, but won’t.”
I’m sure your spouse has issues, but it’s not your job to change them. The only part of your marriage (or any relationship) you can change is the part you see when you look in the mirror. It’s never our job to fix or spouse or to change our spouse. You must simply love him/her. Love is what changes us all.
9. “Our sex life is lousy.”
Sex is definitely an important part of marriage, but if you would leave a marriage simply to pursue more sex, then you’re on a dangerous path. For more ways to improve the sexual intimacy and satisfaction in your marriage, check out our new video series.
10. “I’m tired of being married.”
Look, I’m not trying to beat you up here, but we make our worst decisions when we’re tired and frustrated. Marriage in real-life is a lot harder than it looks in movies, but the real thing is so worth it when you don’t give up. If you really want to make your marriage work, it can work. Take it one day at a time. Below are some resources to help you get started.
For ongoing encouragement to help you build a divorce-proof marriage, check out this article from Jimmy Evans on The Most Important Issue in Marriage.
The 2 Best Reasons To Stop Divorce
So you want to learn how to stop divorce?
The reasons to stop your divorce are plentiful, but we know the two BEST reasons to stop it. People generally think they cannot stop divorce once they’ve reach an imaginary tipping point.
You already know the score when someone says, “Oh, I have given it my all, but…” or the couple has retained divorce lawyers. Be honest you think once the decision has been made, it is all but over. But that is just not true.
Here’s the truth:
- People do care if you stay together or get a divorce. Not only do we care, but the divorce laws were put together in such a way to keep you together, if at all possible. They just didn’t know what else they could do.
Yes, it is true! In California, divorce law states you cannot just walk into a court and get a divorce that afternoon. You have to wait six months, with no possible way around that — appropriately called a cooling off period. Of course divorce lawyers avoid that phrase. But the legislators intend for parents to have a chance to reconcile.
- Nearly every court insists on a mediation session. Now the divorce courts (for whatever excuses) have reduced those to useless exchanges of each spouse’s position on what should happen to the children after divorce. But the legislators want parents to have a chance to reconcile.
- Anybody who has studied the aftermath of divorce knows it is a tragic mistake, and they want you to stay together. Not just for some families or for those couples who really have no good reasoning for divorce. The suffering from divorce will happen, and nobody wants you to go through with it.
Divorce strikes a heavy blow to everyone involved, even those who are involved peripherally, teachers, friends, and society in general. Divorce is an option of seeming escape that has simply gotten hand. Just because you can lawfully divorce, and society will not condemn you for it, does not mean it is not a serious mistake.
Only divorce lawyers, divorce court staff, and marriage family therapists (those who make money off the parents whose children go for therapy) benefit from divorce.
- Many people actually really DO STOP THEIR DIVORCES, at every imaginable point, and sometimes even after the court orders are handed down.
The reasons people stop the divorce process, which sometimes seems stopping a wood chipper after it caught your sleeve, vary. But there are two reasons, which are unarguably the best, for putting a halt to it.
People don’t recognize these reasons because marriage and divorce, though common, are both little understood.
The number one reason is just right in front of you and has been so downplayed most people shrug it off. But it is not supposed to be shrugged off. You need to consider it.
Your kids will get smooshed!
What makes this so important?
Anyone who tells “Your kids will be OK” or (and this one kills me) “Your kids will be better off,” have no idea what they are talking about.
If you are going to take a closer look, the only time children benefit from divorce is when one parent poses a real threat a molester or a get-drunk-and-beat-the-kids kind of parent. Otherwise, your kids will absolutely (without question) do more poorly than if you stick together.
Think about raising kids this:
Imagine helpless children going to a hostile planet with two loving bodyguards, sworn to offer protection and life training.
Then, for God-knows-what reasons, the bodyguards turn on each other.
Soon, instead of sticking to their commitments, they decided to end the whole mission.
And what about the children that require protection?
What happens to their lives?
Who said you can do that, just set aside the needs of your children?
Is that where you get your moral direction?
You are committed, obligated, and not off the hook! Not because I say so. But because the situation is an obligation to your children, and it is my job to remind you in no uncertain terms.
Will you go to Hell?
I have no idea.
I just know what getting a divorce does to children. And because you have kids, you need to look into it so you know, too. If after you look into it and feel divorce won’t cause much harm, fine. But at least study this topic so you can make an informed decision.
It is much easier to repair your marriage and make it good
This idea is so foreign to current thinking that I cannot just leave people with this idea. You deserve an explanation.
And here’s the big idea:
It has to do with what the divorce lawyers and family law judges “hide” and then accepted by the masses. Divorce pain does not end for a very long time.
The movies with people celebrating divorce is nuts. Maybe the drinking part or using meds is real.
But first a warning: divorce causes pain and continues on painfully for a very long time, even if you initiated it.
Why is that?
Because it means you failed. And you didn’t just fail a driver’s test or a history exam. You failed in preparing for the most important decision you have ever made.
Putting the challenges of how to deal with your kids aside, because some of you may not have any, you still have “you” to deal with.
Do you think your subconscious mind is not impacted?
Do you think your self confidence won’t be impacted when making important decisions?
And did you know that the divorce rate for second marriages is much higher than that of first marriages?
So what should you do?
The good news is there can be a happy ending! You can create a new beginning! A little game I use for myself is worth sharing, and many have found it useful.
Pretend you aren’t the person who has brought your life to this point
Pretend God said to you, “I’m sending you into this person’s life, and I want you to fix it. You get to start with all that is there, and all the opportunities in front of you that the last inhabitant of this life didn’t see. They got too rattled, and that’s why I’m sending you in. Go get ’em.”
Starting right now, take a fresh look at your life and marriage. But without self criticism or blame. Just take over. You are on a mission from God!
- Stop everything! Take a look at your current situation with as much objectivity as you can muster.
- Evaluate the conditions, and what needs the most attention and healing, and what needs leaving alone.
- Act with wisdom. Stop being pettily reactive and start healing your marital relationship. No blaming, no excuses for the past (apologies are acceptable), and get to work.
You don’t know how to be married — admit it! Don’t blame your spouse! Do your part to heal the marriage. God sent you, not them, to heal it.
When women work on their marriages, it rarely matters if their husband is a total dork. When women work on their marriages, they win! Their husbands usually come around, sometimes it a takes a bit, but they do.
It is not too late to stop your divorce process
It is my passion and my mission to stop divorce.
Divorce is destroying my country and eroding families. It has undermined my community and impacted my children. It has defined the society within which I live in terms that are an embarrassment. I see people who give up on the spiritual values and moral standards that make up the foundation for a successful society. My friends and neighbors have learned to rationalize, as have I.
Believe in God
It isn’t my way to push religion on others nor do I believe that my way of seeing and worshiping God is the only way; contrarily, I respect and admire all beliefs and religions.
But I am openly angry with the godless religion called Freudian psychology.
Followers of this practice have provided myriad excuses for abandoning children and soulmates instead of admitting to the great flaw of their philosophy. They have refused to acknowledge the spiritual core of humanity and in so doing have denied themselves serious study and understanding of marriage, which was invented by, and is a gift from, God.
So how can you fix something when you deny one third of it even exists?
Over 95% of Americans openly express believing in a supreme being. I don’t know the exact statistics, but I am sure a huge percentage of those people (which includes me) believe that a man/woman is essentially a soul and spiritual.
This is the point where you can conclude that we are souls with bodies and minds.
Most of us know that prayer is the most powerful force in the universe, yet how often have you heard of a Freudian psychologist who suggested prayer as part of their therapy?
Well, I suggest prayer.
God made the universe in a very mathematical and practical way. He made it understandable so we could enjoy his creation. But when we turn our lives over to individuals who have no idea what they’re doing, we only have ourselves to blame.
Would you bring your car to an auto repairman who had a 6% success rate?
Of course not!
To sum up, we can stop divorce.
But first you have to stop your own relationship from ending in divorce. It is not only possible, it is simple, fast, and inexpensive when you know how.
Don’t give up.
Go solve it.
Don’t lose the best friend you have ever had because of a few minor problems.
My book, Lessons for a Happy Marriage, helps those with troubled marriages because I believe everyone can have a joyous marriage once they understand how to.
The greatest incentive I had to create the lessons was the suffering I saw among our children.
The divorce problem goes even further beyond the immediate impacts. I have now made it my life’s mission to eradicate the need for divorce through marriage education.
I will do everything I can to combat the causes of divorce at every level.
If you are currently married, please tell your spouse, “I love you,” so you can learn to appreciate one another. It’s your decision to stop divorce.
54 Reasons Not To Get A Divorce
Whatever way you slice it, divorce sucks.
Although I haven’t personally experienced it, I unfortunately get front row seats to couples contemplating it, going through it, and recovering from it in my counseling office.
I was recently introduced to a man who went through a divorce about 10 years ago and has been compiling a list of why divorce sucks ever since. Even though I deal with divorce on a regular basis, reading this list saddened me. Everyone knows divorce is hard, but this list gives a living breathing example of what it’s been for one man and his kids.
If you’re considering or currently going through a divorce…
I hope reading this list will lead you to consider more than just the short term affects of your decision and motivate you to take one more step towards reconciliation. Divorce might bring you temporary relief from a season of pain, but it will ly extend pain to so many others for a lifetime. Even though divorce might seem the only option for you, I want you to know there is hope!
An Open Letter To A Spouse That Wants Out
(I know some divorces are unavoidable, unwanted, and also permitted in cases of unrepentant adultery, abuse, and abandonment. But, I also know that many divorces can be avoided. The focus of this post is for couples whose circumstances fall outside of these 3 areas.)
Divorce might bring you temporary relief from a season of pain, but it will ly extend pain to so many others for a lifetime. Click To Tweet
If you’ve already been through a divorce…
You can ly identify with many items on this list all too well. I’m not sharing this list with you to amplify what you might be experiencing or have experienced in the past.
What you’ve already been through has been hard enough and I pray that you are experiencing God’s grace and healing. Whether your divorce was wanted, unwanted, biblical, or un-biblical, God’s grace is available to you.
Yes, God hates divorce, but he also loves divorced people.
Here are 54 reasons not to get a divorce:
- The parents are forever related because of the kids, so there is no true separation. This leads to lingering pain and delayed healing/closure.
- I’ve been told that the relationship with an ex is a relationship with someone on life support.
It will never be the same and it will never grow nor be healthy again. At best, it will barely sustain itself.
- I have also been told that divorce is a scab over a wound. Just as it slowly heals, something opens it back up starting the healing process all over again.
Or in other words, the scab keeps getting picked at, and never fully heals.
- Titles still matter and still sting, to some degree. And they never quite feel adequately defining.
Divorced, or single? Single and satisfied? Or single and searching? I have found myself explaining myself and my situation more than I would . Tiresome.
- Once “divorced” you default to the “single” crowd which could be: single/divorced/never married and with/without kids.
Finding the right fit to expand your social circle may be challenging. I still have many, many married friends from church and school, but am rarely invited by married couples for social events.
- Dating again in your 40s and 50s…seriously????? I didn’t it in my 20s!
- Speaking of dating, I have avoided different events or activities simply because I did not want to go by myself. You get a little “braver” as you get older, but it’s still not fun.
- It is the permanent break up of a family.
- Children’s sense of security and safety in family/home is permanently damaged or at best, altered.
- Children forced to constantly shift gears between two homes, two environments, two sets of rules, two different climates etc…
- Attention on the kids is partially moved to new challenges: job, girlfriend/boyfriend, home, etc… that are a result of the divorce.
- If ex’s are unable to be cordial and sit near each other at sporting/music/social events, then the kids have to choose one parent over the other to sit with.
- Daughters of single dads can’t have friends sleep over and be involved as much as if there was a mother present. This is a smart and good thing, but the daughter still suffers.
- The child is often put in the middle of the parents. One parent doesn’t want to communicate with the other parent, so the child is told to call or text to make plans for pick up and drop off. Not fair to the kids.
- Many times, kids don’t want to go for the “weekend” visit because they have no friends at that parent’s house.
They would rather be “home” where their friends are, which sometimes leads to the “Disney” dad scenario since Dad (usually) becomes the main playmate.
- Pets are given away as single parents are unable to care for them. In kids’ eyes, same as dying.
- Divorce often results in kids changing schools which can bring about stressful change dealing with new friendships, teachers, coaches, classes, environment, etc…
- Traveling on airplanes alone cross country to spend time with the other parent (usually dad for the standard 30 days each summer).
Possibly scary and anxiety filled travel for children and parents a.
- I have counseled, supported, cared for, and hugged many a wounded young person that all have one common theme: no dad, or bad dad. Divorce, generally places mom front and center in parenting, protecting, and providing. Dad is minimized too often, or removed.
The wounds seem to last a lifetime and manifest themselves into health and relational problems, addictions, self-harm and even suicide.
- The weekly “transition” from house to house is always hard, and annoying at best. Children must “pick up their life” and move it to a different house with a different culture and climate EVERY week.
- A family’s home becomes “dad’s home” and “mom’s home”, not the kids.
- Holidays without kids. Enough said.
- Holidays will be forever divided.
- Gift giving scenarios (birthdays, Christmas, etc.) become challenging when both parents want to give the same gift, or both sides try to “out give” the other parent to prove their love.
- Even if kids are grown, any family holiday with kids and grandkids will require either the absence of an ex, or the potentially awkward presence of ex-spouses and (perhaps) new spouses. Asking all family members (adults and kids) to accept the new dynamics will be challenging.
Parenting after Divorce
- You have 50% influence (instead of 100%) in your kids’ lives (assuming you see them 50% of the time). You have no control over who they are involved with when not under your roof. VERY FRUSTRATING.
- Parenting is hard enough as it is, but try parenting when the ex-spouse has different rules at their house.
- Daily homework is only as good as the ONE parent who has the child during the school week. That leaves out the influence of the other parent.
- How does a single parent possibly work, take care of a house, and take part in after-school, evening, and weekend activities for the kids? In worst case scenario, kids are denied opportunity to take part in activities because logistically impossible for ONE parent.
- Two working parents DREAD summer.
Who is going to watch the kids now that they are school?
- Easier for one parent to “pass the parenting buck” to the other person if unwilling to make tough decisions.
- Overall diet of children suffers. Frantic single parent has less time to cook a balanced, proper portioned, healthy, and wholesome meal. Leads to a proliferation of eating out which increases caloric, fat, salt, and sugar intake.
Child obesity cannot be getting any better under these conditions.
- A study published in Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that divorced or widowed people have 20% more chronic health conditions (such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer) than people who are married.
- Years of alimony and child support for two homes is financially disastrous.
- A marriage spent building a “home” and all that is in it quickly washes away as all possessions (monetary and physical) are divided – hopefully equally.
- You have to buy two of everything or force a constant packing of suitcase every week.
- If married more than 10 years, EVERYTHING is divided 50/50. Regardless of reason for divorce.
- If dad is non-custodial parent, 25% of income goes to child support.
It is NOT tax deductible (IS for the ex-wife), and dad has no “dependents” for tax purposes and is therefore taxed more than when he was married, yet he has less net income.
- Strong possibility of losing health care that was once covered in a family plan that no longer covers an individual.
- The quality and size of one home as a family often gives way to two smaller, lesser quality homes (possibly apartments or condos) as both parents struggle with less earning power.
- I have witnessed never ending battles over money, unfortunately much of it being the dads who refuse to pay for items he believes should be covered by child support. I know of never ending court battles to lower child support, making the lawyers, not the families, quite blessed.
- In laws are possibly split from each other as their children are now split. Not just the end of a marriage, but the end of family friendships as well.
- Divorce usually means the end of very meaningful relationships with friends who unfortunately must choose sides, even if done respectfully.
- Lifetime membership to a church is ended as one member stays and one leaves a church in order to avoid awkward situations at every church service.
- Forces a former stay at home mom to HAVE to go back to work as a single mom. This equals less time, focus, and commitment to the kids.
- Dads become irrelevant under “standard visitation laws” He is a visitor more than a dad.
Time with dad versus time with mom tends to be less in quantity and quality. Hence the unrealistic title, “Disney Dad”.
- As kids become teenagers, they become too busy with school and events to visit the non-custodial parent.
That parent becomes almost irrelevant.
Marriage after Divorce (Blended Families)
- Reasons for divorce often replayed in next relationship revealing inadequate and unnecessary reasons for first divorce.
- Kids have a hard time adjusting to biological offspring of their parent and new spouse. Can feel left out.
- The pain of witnessing a new partner for your ex-mate is not confined to marriage.
It is often more difficult to accept that this person will now influence your children (good and bad).
- 2 sets of parents, 4 sets of in laws, step brothers and sisters often results in chaos in rules and cultures, and confusion in loyalties and roles.
- Marriage is hard.
2nd and 3rd marriages are harder: 45% of first marriages fail, 65% of 2nd marriages fail, and a whopping 73% of 3rd marriages fail.
- Sends a message to children that divorce is a real and viable option when their own marriage struggles.
- Divorce opens up the possibility of children witnessing cohabitation of unmarried men and women (i.e. Dad’s girlfriend sleeps over).
- Children of single parents don’t get the opportunity to see a model of what marriage is supposed to look , or even a healthy “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship, for that matter, since most responsible [key word] single parents are smart enough not to introduce the kids to the new boy/girlfriend in the early stages.
They will have to rely on the advice we, as parents, give them and hope they will learn from what we tell them we did right and wrong (versus showing them).
Distorts God’s Love
As if this list weren’t enough, the single biggest reason divorce not get a divorce is how it distorts the very character of God to a world that desperately needs to understand him.
Ultimately, love between a man and a woman in marriage is about reflecting Christ’s love for us so others can get a glimpse of his covenant love through our marriage.
Marriage is designed first and foremost to reflect God’s image…his love…his character. That’s the reason divorce is so destructive.
It doesn’t just distort God’s design for families, it distorts Christ’s love to a world that is watching.
If you’re considering divorce, I’m asking you to re-consider: for your sake, your spouse’s sake, your kids sake, your legacy’s sake, but most importantly…For God’s sake.