Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

Should You Break Up With Someone Because Of Their Family?

Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

In a long-term relationship, you're bound to encounter a number of hurdles, whether they be due to your individual growth and changes or external interferences that are your control. As for the latter, a common issue is having a mate that doesn't get along with your friends and family — or vice versa.

If you're someone who's familiar with this struggle, and it's gotten ugly, you've probably wondered if you should break up with someone because of their family.

And while this is obviously a worst case scenario, relationship experts note that you don't want to treat this situation lightly, especially if you believe he or she is the one.

As a psychologist and the author of, Dating from the Inside Out and Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate, Dr. Paulette Sherman has plenty of firsthand experience dealing with discord between romantic partners and one or more of their families.

While you may not consider it an eminent threat to your relationship, it actually can play a huge role in your potential to go the distance as a couple.

“It is important for your family and significant other to mesh well because you will be a family, and family is important,” Dr. Sherman explains.

“Ideally you’d your children to know their extended families and you don’t want your spouse to have to choose between you and [his or her] family of origin. Plus, it makes holidays, vacations, and challenging situations much easier when there is goodwill, support and mutual respect.”


It may first be helpful to try to identify the cause of this friction. According to the expert, there are a few main reasons you might not be getting along with your partner's family.

“Some of the most common factors [are] cultural differences, value differences, religion, protectiveness, attachment, and communication issues and boundaries,” says offers.

Knowing the why can be the first step to either coming to a place of understanding, or creating some healthy boundaries — so that breaking up is just a last resort.

First things first: You'll want to discuss the issue with your significant other — and do so with sensitivity.

“Let [him or her] know you do not want them to sacrifice their relationship with their family, but you need to be on the same page regarding contentious issues and how to address them,” says Dr. Sherman.

And if you don't feel comfortable bringing the issue up on your own, the two of you may want to consider trying couple's therapy in order to have the benefit of an informed but impartial third party.

While therapy can help you navigate this conversation and potentially help you two agree on some boundaries, ultimately it's important to understand that you can only change your actions — not those of his/her family. And if their behavior is toxic and shows no sign of stopping, it could be a relationship deal breaker.

“If it’s clear that your [partner] is constantly letting his or her family disrespect you, plan your wedding, pick your house, name your future baby, etc., and are unwilling to seek therapy around this or to empathize with how it adversely affects you and to deal with it, this might be a small taste of what it might be over a lifetime,” Dr.

Sherman explains.

If this is a deal breaker, you've got two options, according to Dr. Sherman: Break things off, or agree on a way to limit your interactions so that both you and your mate to get what you need. And the latter is a better situation for those whose partner is open to doing their part.

“A family can be toxic, but if your [partner] has done the inner work to be a team and set appropriate boundaries, that may not be a deal breaker because you [are in a relationship] with them — not the family,” she says.

“It may still be possible to co-create a life together and to navigate familial issues as they arise.”


Forced Breakup Because Of Parents

Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

The most difficult kind of breakup is when parents don’t your boyfriend or girlfriend.

It’s so difficult because the people who have been with you since the very beginning are sort of expected to be supportive of your romantic life and the decision you make in life. In a way, their validation provides assurance and acceptance while their rejection of your partner does the opposite.

If your parents don’t provide proper validation, love, and care from an early age, you may develop an anxious or an avoidant attachment style.

And if this carries into adulthood, you may suffer from a lack of love and develop your own relationship difficulties that otherwise wouldn’t be present.

Furthermore, if your family tries to force you to break up with your partner, you may find yourself in dilemma choosing between the people who have given you life and your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Forced breakup because of parents

If your parents don’t your fiancé, fiancée, boyfriend or girlfriend, the situation is often really difficult and frequently—even hopeless. That’s because things may quickly escalate to the point where you have to decide between your family or your partner.

Now, if you have a family of your own already and you’re with the person you love, then the decision is a no-brainer. You will always choose your wife/husband and the kids over your parents’ judgment.

But if you’re still young (let’s say in your 20s), then your parents might have a final say. This, of course, depends on your cultural and religious background as well as the kind of relationship you have with your parents.

If your family is the one making the decisions about who you can date and be with, then, by all means, listen to them. They are the ones who will approve or disapprove of the person you’re seeing so there’s nothing you can do about that.

This kind of parenting regime is quite common in South Asia, but it nevertheless, also exists all around the world.

Moreover, it’s not just the South Asian families who sometimes control the fate of their children’s relationships and marriages. It’s American and European families too.

My parents want me to break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend

In some countries, parents make important relationship decisions so it would be wrong for me to advise you to go against your parents.

The most you can do is to try to reason with them and explain how your boyfriend or girlfriend is right for you and how he or she will contribute to the family.

Provided your partner is truly good for you and doesn’t hurt you or anything that, then most of the time, families will accept the person you’re dating.

But if they don’t accept him or her, and your partner is actually a good human being, and you’ve been with him or her for a long time, then things could get ugly.

Since disapproving parents usually stand by their decision that you should break up with your partner, relationships this almost never end well.

Whenever your parents pester you, they put unnecessary stress on the relationship and make your relationship with the person you love unbelievably hard.

The person you’re dating feels extremely unwelcome and probably hates your parents’ rejection and possibly even them. That’s why it’s really difficult for your partner to want to stay around your parents who hate his or her guts. It’s difficult even if your partner loves you to the moon and back.

I personally know how it feels to be rejected by parents because I’ve been there before. It doesn’t feel one bit exciting and I can say that I never want to be in that position again.

In fact, it’s so horrible I’d made the promise to myself that I’d rather be with someone whose family approves of me. In this way, I’d save myself the unnecessary drama and the desperation to win their approval.

Winning parents’ recognition

If you’re a reader of the blog, you ly already know that winning somebody’s recognition is the most degrading thing ever.

Everybody in this world deserves a fair chance their internal factors. People should be evaluated for the people they are, not the external fortunes they possess.

Sure, having a job is important when you want to get married and have children, but this alone doesn’t make a person truly valuable. Not to the right people anyway.

For example, you are not going to live your life happily with someone just because he or she is a doctor. On the contrary, you are ly going to get in a thousand arguments with this person because of various different incompatibilities and contradictory points of view.

Disapproving parents that want you to break up usually first see the person’s social and financial status. Everything else is hidden from view as no one but the couple can discern each other’s personalities—which should always be #1.

The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.

Dale carnegie

Just how you deserve very little credit for who you are, so do your parents. They are who they are the society they grew up in, the parenting, their own mentality and many other factors that have very little to do with them.

People usually form an opinion of another person in mere seconds. They visually determine if the person is appealing, how his or her body language is and the way they speak. These 3 things we obtain very quickly, hence why the first impression matters so much.

Changing this first impression, however, takes time. If the person said something appalling in the first minute, for example, then we may despise the person so much that we will never give him a chance to redeem himself or herself.

The same can be said for parents that have formed their own beliefs about the person they want you to break up with.

How to get your parents to your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Getting your parents to your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard, but not impossibly hard. It really depends on how open your parents are and how well-versed are at persuading people.

Sometimes, you just need to sit them down and explain to them that the person you’re seeing is wife/husband material. You need to show them your commitment to the person and your utter dedication to take the relationship to the new level.

If explaining to them and showing them that you love your partner doesn’t get your parents to your partner, on the other hand, then nothing will.

It can be difficult to talk to your parents if they are arrogant, ignorant and hard-headed. It can also be difficult to accomplish much when your parents hate your boyfriend or girlfriend for no apparent reason.

Some people are impossible to reason with so even if you try your very best and show them everything they need to see, they could still be against the relationship.

That’s because some people are controlled by a high ego and would rather take a butt-whipping than admit they were wrong.

Parents can also be so stubborn that nothing changes their mind. In such cases, your relationship may be completely hopeless even if you’ve done everything right from beginning to the end.

Some people just can’t be influenced.


Parents are forcing me to break up

Chances are your parents will never be happy until you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. No matter how much you beg them to be happy for your happiness, it might never happen.

In that case, you have a decision to make.

Sometimes keeping both your parents and your partner is not possible and it’s truly a horrible feeling.

You can either choose to be happy with the person who loves you and wants a relationship with you or to listen to your parents and let your partner go.

Although the middle ground – to keep your parents and your partner sounds the best option, you may not be able to go down that route when your parents are giving you an ultimatum.

They expect you to do as they say and find someone more to their liking as if it’s them who are going to spend their life by your side.

They are nonetheless, always going to support you, but they won’t wake up next to you and get old with you.

Choosing between your partner and your parents

Casting your parents aside sounds a horrible idea and most people don’t do it. They will instead argue with their parents for a while and eventually give up on the person they love.

Not only will they give up, but they will completely lose attraction because their parents will have ruined their relationship for them.

They will argue with their parents so much and so often that they will end up believing their parents in the end and might even end up hating their partner.

The dumper often becomes cold and distant as a result of a breakup. And the breakup caused by parents is no different. The dumper could act as if it’s the dumpee’s fault the breakup occurred and may appear very mean and disinterested in his or her (ex) partner.

So if you’re in a position where you need to decide between your partner and your parents, I wish I could help you decide. Unfortunately, all I can do is tell you how I see things.

My humble opinion

It’s not for me to decide for you, but I’d to share my thoughts on this matter. Please note that my opinion may not apply to all regions of the world as I am from the western part of the globe.

So if parents had been deciding who their children marry in your family for generations and generations, then using my advice would be impossible and ly extremely impolite toward your family. Please keep that in mind.

My personal belief is that parents can be amazing guides as they almost always give good relationship advice. Moreover, I also think that they should always support their children’s romantic decisions as long as their children are content and of mature age.

Their personal experiences and wisdom can often help their children overcome many difficulties and make their lives many times easier.

Just how parents don’t always agree with us, we don’t always agree with them. We may not agree with their taste in music, food, favorite places in the world and other things that are a matter of preference.

But there are some things we should not oppose for the sake of their happiness and at the same time—our own.

We can’t disapprove of their religion, strong beliefs, visual appearance, new partner, choice of friends (unless they are harmful), etc. We must remember that their personal lives are theirs to live.

So just how you shouldn’t oppose your mature parents’ private life, neither should they disapprove of yours. Provided you’re an adult, you are more than capable of making your own decisions, hence why you were given a brain of your own.

If you commit a horrible crime, you will be defending yourself at the court. Your parents can’t serve their time in jail for you.

So if the love you feel toward your partner is genuine, then your parents should never have the power to try to force you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Personally, I think it’s very, very wrong for loving parents to go against their sons and daughters and take their happiness away just because they don’t get along or don’t their partners.

To me, it seems very selfish and disrespectful toward you as a person who had made the decision to be with the person you love and invested emotionally in him or her.

Such parents are essentially telling you to detach from the person with whom you want to spend your life with and pretend as if he or she never mattered.

Just because they are parents and hold a special place in your heart doesn’t mean they have the right to abuse their power and force you to break up.

They can give you their opinion and tell you why your relationship may not be the healthiest for you. But apart from that, it’s not their concern.

I know I sound very biased and extremely against disapproving parents who want their sons and daughters to break up with their partners.

Perhaps that’s because my parents have always approved of the girls I’ve dated and entrusted me with the decision-making to take care of myself—which I did.

I may not have always chosen the best partners for me, but I had to learn that myself.

It’s as if you buy a box of candies and your parents tell you that the red candies taste bad and that you absolutely can’t have them. They make the assumption that their judgment is absolute and that they really don’t want you to think for yourself.

So even if you tasted the red candy before and you d it, some parents might still insist that it’s not good because they don’t it. They simply expect you to respect their dictatorship.

Everybody has their own way of thinking and this is merely my opinion.

The ultimate decision will always be up to you to make.

Are your parents forcing you to break up with your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée, husband or wife? What are you going to do? Comment below.


How to Break Up Respectfully

Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else

Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship. Other couples drift apart.

There are lots of different reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas, values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they were.

Changing your mind or your feelings about the other person is another. Perhaps you just don't enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don't want the same thing. You might have developed feelings for someone else.

Or maybe you've discovered you're just not interested in having a serious relationship right now.

Most people go through a break-up (or several break-ups) in their lives. If you've ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems it's for the best.

Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do?

If you're thinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. So it's normal to wonder: “Will things get better?” “Should I give it another chance?” “Will I regret this decision?” Breaking up isn't an easy decision. You may need to take time to think about it.

Even if you feel sure of your decision, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult conversation. The person you're breaking up with might feel hurt, disappointed, sad, rejected, or heartbroken.

When you're the one ending the relationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful and sensitive.

You don't want the other person to be hurt — and you don't want to be upset either.

Avoid It? Or Get it Over With?

Some people avoid the unpleasant task of starting a difficult conversation. Others have a “just-get-it-over-with” attitude. But neither of these approaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs the situation (and may end up hurting the other person more). And if you rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through, you may say things you regret.

Something in the middle works best: Think things through so you're clear with yourself on why you want to break up. Then act.

Break-up Do's and Don'ts

Every situation is different. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up. But there are some general “do's and don'ts” you can keep in mind as you start thinking about having that break-up conversation.


  • Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive way.
  • Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised? Sad? Mad? Hurt? Or even relieved? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare. Do you think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction?
  • Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring.
  • Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. “Honesty” doesn't mean “harsh.” Don't pick apart the other person's qualities as a way to explain what's not working. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest.
  • Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that (and show your good qualities) by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call. Breaking up through texting or may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character!
  • If it helps, confide in someone you trust. It can help to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF. Make sure your BF/GF hears it from you first — not from someone else. That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally.


  • Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. You never want the person you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you.
  • Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret.
  • Don't disrespect. Speak about your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you'd feel. You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday.

These “dos and don'ts” aren't just for break-ups.

If someone asks you out but you're not really interested, you can follow the same guidelines for letting that person down gently.

What to Say and How to Say It

You've made the decision to break up. Now you need to find a good time to talk — and a way to have the conversation that's respectful, fair, clear, and kind. Break-ups are more than just planning what to say. You also want to consider how you will say it.

Here are some examples of what you might say. Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style:

  1. Tell your BF or GF that you want to talk about something important.
  2. Start by mentioning something you or value about the other person.
    For example: “We've been close for a long time, and you're important to me.”
    Or: “I really you and I'm glad we've gotten to know each other.”
  3. Say what's not working (your reason for the break-up).
    For example: “But I'm not ready to have a serious boyfriend right now.”
    Or: “But you cheated on me, and I can't accept that.”
    Or: “But we're arguing more than we're having fun.”
    Or: “But it just doesn't feel right anymore.”
    Or: “But there's someone else.”
  4. Say you want to break up.
    For example: “So, I want to break up.”
    Or: “So I want us to be friends, but not go out.”
    Or: “So I want to stay friendly, but I don't want to be your BF/GF anymore.”
  5. Say you're sorry if this hurts.
    For example: “I don't want to hurt you.”
    Or: “I'm sorry if this isn't the way you wanted things to be.”
    Or: “I'm sorry if this hurts you.”
    Or: “I know this is hard to hear.”
  6. Say something kind or positive.
    For example: “I know you'll be OK.”
    Or: “I know we'll always care about each other.”
    Or: “I'll always remember the good times we had.”
    Or: “I'll always be glad I got to know you.”
    Or: “I know there's another girl/guy who will be happy to have a chance to go out with you.”
  7. Listen to what the other person wants to say. Be patient, and don't be surprised if the other person acts upset or unhappy with what you've said.
  8. Give the person space. Consider following up with a friendly message or conversation that lets your ex know you care about how s/he is doing.

Relationships Help Us Learn

Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value. Each relationship can teach us something about ourselves, another person, and what we want and need in a future partner. It's a chance for us to learn to care about another person and to experience being cared about.

A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It's not easy. But it's a chance to do your best to respect another person's feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations.

Reviewed by: KidsHealth Medical Experts


Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

Breaking up with someone you still love is one of the most painful things to go through in life. Many have asked, “Why would you break up with someone if you still love them?” I was one of them, when I was younger.

But since I have gotten older, and had enough relationship experience to make any girl go crazy, I have learned a few lessons. I know now that loving someone does not mean you are compatible. It may sound sad, but love is not the only thing needed to sustain a relationship. Sometimes issues get in the way such as trust issues, jobs, college, friends, and family.

That may be no surprise to some, and a total shocker for others. But sometimes in a relationship, you find yourself thinking of ending things because of their family. In this situation, I found that there are some key questions to ask yourself.

Mostly, I thought this question only pertained to high schoolers because of the parents' ability to prevent you from dating certain people.

I feel I have been pretty lucky because my father never, ever told me who I could and could not date. He has always been pleasant to anyone I dated, no matter how they looked or what he actually thought of them.

He has always let me make my own choices, and therefore my own mistakes.

So when I began a relationship with a man whose mother refused to admit he was 22 and not 12, I was completely beside myself with confusion and frustration.

I know now that I was not the only to experience this. It is actually quite common, especially when you date an only child.

I'm willing to bet that a large majority of those who will read this have experienced this, or are experiencing it now.

When you have a parent or both that refuse to admit their son or daughter has grown up, it becomes about ten times more important that they you than in normal dating circumstances.

Sure, at some point in any serious relationship, it becomes pretty important that their parents at least ACCEPT you, and life is much easier when they you.

But when an overbearing parent doesn't you, the relationship can be doomed.

It sounds very harsh to say that this is more important, but let's be brutally honest.

How easy is a relationship when you can't stand each other's parents? It doesn't really matter what your reasons for hating them are.

Any husband or wife that loathes their in-laws will tell you that holidays are miserable, your blood level spikes whenever they call, and you become a genius at finding reasons NOT to visit them.

So if you know you can't stand them in the dating phase, why would you devote your life to that sort of stress and misery? The answer for many is love. You will do it because you are in love with your partner. You will take one for the team and become a martyr for that love.

The problem is, how long do you think it will take before fights and resentment arise because of your strained relationship with his or her parents? If they love their parents, they will begin to resent you for not feeling the same, or for trying to pull them apart.

And you will begin to resent them because you will constantly find that you come second to their parents in any disagreement.

Think about things this, and whether you'd rather end the relationship on good terms now, or horrible ones in several years.

If you've made it this far, thank you. I'm aware that a lot of what is written here makes me seem a jaded, bitter crone with no hope at all. But the truth is, some situations do have hope for improvement.

But improvement requires a compromise on everyone's part. You, your significant other, and his parents need to be able to find a middle ground for things to get any better. The one thing you all have in common is: you love him/her.

That is a place to start, but it is not the only needed agreement.

It is difficult to get everyone to come to agreeable terms when one or more parties refuse to see everyone's perspective. You need to understand that you are dating someone's baby, and they only want to protect their child from getting hurt, and to see them prosper.

Their ways of showing that might be crazy, but the intent is a good one. They need to see that you love their child for who they are, and want to share in their joy and happiness while you are together.

And your significant other needs to be able to see that they can not take sides in order to keep the peace.

Consider for a moment that a situation this is probably hardest on the one you're dating. They have two or three people they love, but no one can get along, and they don't know whose side to choose.

I can tell you that the relationship with I spoke of ended. I finally decided I could not take a mother that actually gave her son money just so he would take her side of a disagreement. Or that's what my reason was at the time, anyway. But as time went on, I realized that what I actually couldn't handle was dating a man who could be so easily bribed and manipulated.

Many times, you spend weeks, months, or even years raging about how much you can't stand a person's family, and never even realize that's not the whole truth. Many times, your biggest problem is the behavior your significant other has that allows his or her family to continue acting that way. This is a very hard reality to face, but one that is all too often true.

In the end, the choice is yours. You need to decide what will make you happy and keep your sanity.



Cheating & Breakups | What to Do When Your Relationship Ends

Should You Breakup With Someone Because of Their Parents?

Breakups suck, but they’re a part of life. Relationships only work when both people are happy in them. Here are some tips for dealing with breakups.

Breaking up with someone can be as hard as being dumped yourself. You may be worried about hurting them, or you may feel sad about the breakup even though you know it’s the right thing to do.

Relationships only work when both people want to be in them, and staying in a bad relationship that you don’t want to be in isn’t healthy for either of you.

It’s not fair to your boyfriend or girlfriend to keep a relationship going when you’re not feeling it, and it’s only going to hurt more the longer you wait to end it.

So it’s better to be honest as soon as possible about wanting to break up, even if it’s really hard.

There are no magic words you can say to make breaking up easy or painless. But you can make breaking up suck less by being straightforward and honest about your feelings (while still trying to be as kind as possible). If you're not sure what to say, try writing down your feelings and the reasons you want to break up. You can also get advice from your friends or family members.

Sometimes it’s hard to be honest about why you want to break up because you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. You don’t necessarily have to give a reason, but they’ll probably want to know why the relationship is ending — so be prepared for that question.

You can say things , “You’re a really great person, but I don’t think we’re right for each other” or, “I you a lot, but I don’t feel ready to be in a relationship right now.” You don’t have to go into details, but it’s not a good idea to make something up or lie either.

There are definitely bad ways to break up with someone. Most people think it’s more respectful to do it in person, not over text or social media. Don't ask a friend to deliver the news, because you don’t want to face the person yourself — it’s selfish and not fair to your soon-to-be ex.

Acting rude or distant so they’ll just “get the hint” may seem an easier way to break up, but it actually makes things harder, confusing, and more painful. Ghosting — when you just stop talking, texting, or hanging out without telling them why — is also an uncool way to end a relationship.

It’s not a great idea to break up with someone but then keep trying to hang out or hook up with them when you’re not interested in being in a relationship.

You might miss them and it may be tempting, but it can lead the other person on and make them think there’s hope of getting back together.

The best thing to do is be clear that the relationship ended, and give each other some space while you heal.

If you’re worried that breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is unsafe because they might hurt you or themselves, talk with a parent or adult you trust so they can help you stay safe. Read more about leaving an abusive relationship.

My boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me. How do I deal?

A broken heart can really hurt, but time heals all wounds (no seriously, it does). So how much time do you need to get over it? The answer is different for every person and every breakup.

You probably really cared about your ex and have good memories from your relationship, no matter how bad the breakup was.

So do what you need to do — cry, listen to sad music, go for a long walk or run, hang out with your friends, or write in a journal. Whatever works for you. These feelings can be hard to go through, but they’ll get less intense over time.

And try not to feel bad about yourself. Just because this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Talking with someone who cares about you and is willing to listen can also help.

Friends can be a great source of comfort, and don’t forget about your parents! It may feel kind of awkward to open up to them about it, but they’ve got a lot of experience with relationships and breakups — they’ve probably felt exactly this before and know how much it hurts. Plus, it’s their job to take care of you when you’re sad, so let them help.

It’s normal to be really mad at your ex after a breakup. But try not to post about them on social media.

It can lead to major drama and end up embarrassing you — and once something’s online, it’s there forever. If you’re feeling super angry, vent to your friends and family privately instead.

Or do something creative or physical, playing music or exercising, to help work through those feelings.

Some people try and stay friends with their ex, but it can be really hard and confusing to go from being in a relationship to being friends. It’s also not a great idea to keep hooking up with your ex after you break up.

Being “friends with benefits” may seem easier than a total breakup when you really miss someone, but it can make you (or them) feel a lot worse in the long run. It’s okay to take time away from your ex on social media, too.

That might mean unfriending or unfollowing them forever, or at least until you feel you’re over it.

Some people also try to heal by finding another boyfriend or girlfriend as quickly as possible. Crushing on someone else can definitely help you feel better in the moment. But if you still have feelings for your ex, it may impact the new relationship and be unfair to the new person. It’s usually better to wait until you’ve healed from an old relationship before starting a new one.

It’s totally normal and okay to be sad after a breakup. But if you’re so depressed from a breakup that it’s affecting your grades, activities, or family/friend relationships, think about talking with a counselor or therapist. If you need help finding a counselor, you can talk with your parents, doctor, school counselor, or the staff at your nearest Planned Parenthood health center.

What counts as cheating?

People have different opinions about what cheating is. So it's up to you and your boyfriend/girlfriend to decide what cheating means for your relationship. This means you have to talk honestly with them about it, and set limits you both feel comfortable with.

Some ways to tell that something you're doing might count as cheating are:

  • You have to hide or lie about what you're doing.

  • You think your boyfriend or girlfriend would be upset if they found out.

  • You feel guilty about it.

  • You wouldn't want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do it.

Betraying your boyfriend or girlfriend’s trust can be really painful and have long-term effects on your relationship.

If you’re constantly thinking about cheating or want to cheat, it may be a sign that you don’t want to be in this relationship.

And even though breaking up with someone sucks, it’s usually less hurtful than cheating on them behind their back. Cheating on your partner a lot and lying to them about it isn’t respectful — it’s abusive behavior.


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