- UBT: In Defense of Dating a Married Man – ChumpLady.com
- Dating A Married Man Poly – Is It Wrong to Date a Married Man? How to Date a Married Man the Ethical Way
- How to Date a Married Man Successfully
- adventures in honest non-monogamy
- What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity
- 10 Reasons to Not Date a Married Man
- Antique Money – Dating A Married Man Karma – Nigeria News
- Ask a New Question
- lets share the beauty, struggles & triumphs of being female
- Dating Married Men: A Muslim Perspective
- Shake off the Guilt: 5 Great Reasons to Date a Married Man
UBT: In Defense of Dating a Married Man – ChumpLady.com
So here’s some MSN clickbait just begging to be Universal Bullshit Translator-ed this morning. A fluffy little piece of sociopathy by Shannon Boodram, sexologist, entitled “In Defense of Dating a Married Man.”
I often get emails from women involved with a married man or from men who are engaged in an affair that usually center around one question: “Am I a terrible person for doing this?”
And while there are too many variables and not enough jewels in my own crown to effectively answer this, I can answer the underlying inquiry: No, you are not abnormal or evil.
There are not enough rivets in the UBT’s quarter panels to effectively answer the underlying query “Are people who cheat empathy-deficient, self-gratifying, narcissistic nimrods?” There are too many variables. (Cluster B? Sociopath? Or simply generic asshole?)
Translation: Here’s some word salad to say, “Have at it! You’re not evil! You’re a gem!”
Ninety per cent of questions that centre around sex and love are a version of “Am I normal?,” because generally speaking, people do not want what satisfies them and their morals to be in direct conflict.
So, my answer to this popular query is always the same: If it occurs in nature, then yes, it is natural. And since extra-marital affairs have been in existence for just as long as the institution of marriage, I think it is time we stopped looking at affairs as heinous crimes and instead as a natural occurrences.
If it occurs in nature, then yes, it is natural. We should decriminalize Natural Things and stop looking at them as heinous crimes.
Homicide? Hey! Cain slew Abel. Brotherly assassination has existed as long as there have been brothers.
Arsenic? You find it in the ground. Mother Nature made arsenic, not Monsanto! So, yum! Sprinkle some on your breakfast cereal today. It’s natural.
Did you read this paragraph and want to strangle me? Those urges are natural. Stop looking at strangling flaky columnists with concertina wire as some sort of heinous crime. Ninety percent of people read crap every day and want to strangle someone. It’s okay. You’re not evil.
Did I lose you yet? Let’s hope not.
Kinda. The UBT was just so dazzled by your intellect.
The beauty in seeing things as natural vs. deviant is it allows you to exercise understanding. The more we understand and can identify patterns, the better we can cope and even evade the trauma associated with them.
It’s not your partner fucking other people that’s traumatic, it’s your inability to identify patterns. Avoid polka dots. And plaid.
Marriage was invented to legitimize offspring so that parents could pass down any assets acquired over their lifetime to heirs. In the beginning, marriage was essentially a business transaction designed to increase the power, legacy, wealth and reputation of a family name.
Historically, extra-marital affairs were common, permissible and especially in the male’s case, not seen by the courts as substantial grounds for divorce.
Bring back patriarchy!
It is really only within the past couple of generations that love has conquered all and become the primary driving force for tying the knot. And even though we in North America have adopted the Disney model, it doesn’t negate the fact that only 5 per cent of all mammals are monogamous and whether or not humans belong to this minority is still widely debated.
Was Mickey faithful to Minnie? Only 5 percent of all mice are monogamous. If Mickey was a player is still widely debated.
Everyone in North America (Canadians — I’m talking to YOU) models their marriages on Disney. Talking forest creatures. Dwarves. Birds who dress you.
That’s all very fine and good but it doesn’t negate the fact that Bambi’s mother dies. Deal.
Men produce more testosterone and less oxytocin than women. Testosterone is responsible for sex drive and also compels the host to seek out dopamine, a chemical released by risk-taking and new experiences. Oxytocin is the bonding chemical that cements loyalty through intimacy.
Cheating women? Hey, I guess you’re all just too damn butch. Shave your chin hairs and drop some oxy. Maybe you’ll stop cheating.
Thus, many men will not successfully conform to the monogamy model whether they have shared their last name or not. Similarly, a married man is a living example of the qualities women naturally seek out: Some women simply appreciate their attraction while respecting the family unit, others compete to have those qualities for themselves.
Women compete to have men, who are not designed to be faithful. Because… oxytocin. Bitches will just bond with anything.
On the flipside, not all women who date married men are in competition with the wife. Some prefer the mistress-relationship-model, since it provides them with the fun side of companionship minus any of the traditional obligations of partnership.
Duping chumps is fun. Plus it’s companionship without the whole messy introductions-to-people-in your-life thing.
In short, there will continue to be married men who find themselves seeking new intimate experiences and there will continue to be women who are interested in engaging with married men.
By “intimate experiences” I mean no-strings-attached sex.
Now for the happy part: Once you understand that affairs are driven by natural tendencies, you can stop personalizing the act and begin managing the possibilities.
Did you have to paternity test your children? Don’t take it personally.
Were you assuming monogamy and caught a nasty STD? Consider the possibilities!
I strongly believe that keeping an open dialogue with your partner about their temptations, desires and natural drives is very important. Not only can you help your partner effectively manage these natural urges through counsel, but you can also create healthy alternatives in the event that the desire is too strong to curb.
Cheating is natural. Don’t take it personally. However, natural impulses to cheat (caused by testosterone) can be effectively managed with conversations (not neutering!)
Betrayal, not compromise, is the biggest offense in any relationship, but if you don’t create an environment of open communication, you leave your partner to their own devices and vices.
Yes, the person who is not inclined to cheat must communicate clearly, otherwise you leave your partner to their vices. The vice partner cannot possibly be expected to speak up. Remain vigilant chumps! If they fuck around it’s because you failed to manage their urges with conversations!
So, I suggest some new rules that crush the fantasy in order to get to the heart of our human reality:
Women who engage with married men: Don’t be anyone’s dirty secret. If you prefer to date those who are attached to keep your own involvement at arm’s length, then you should have no qualm with the wife being aware of your intentions.
If you fall for someone who is taken and they feel the same, demand that they open up their relationship—otherwise, you won’t be a part of it. Do not enter into any situation hoping for change; rather, create the change and then enter.
Encourage opacity and know that it is possible to create a healthy arrangement, as opposed to a devious, secretive relationship.
Because every chumped wife is just dying to get your opinion on her marriage. Hey, you’re an equal voting partner here! Don’t be someone’s dirty secret. If she won’t share, blow that marriage up so you can have Mr. Cheaterpants for yourself.
Men who seek affairs: If you are not cut out for the monogamous model, do not deceive anyone into believing you are. Of course, you’re allowed to change, but you must communicate this change with your partner.
Desiring new experiences is understandable, while concealing this desire and act from your partner is not. You are an adult. You don’t have to hide your “dirty magazines” under the bed anymore.
Come into your own and into the light where everyone can see you and most importantly, where you can stand to look at yourself.
Good advice. Except this ignores the fact that cheaters don’t cheat for sexual novelty (because testosterone), they cheat because they enjoy the deceit. Gaming the system to have an unfair advantage (cake) is what infidelity is about.
Sexual shame doesn’t make people cheat — entitlement does.
Women who are the victims of an affair: First step, realize that it’s not you, it’s not him, it’s nature. He is not evil, he may just lack discipline.
Whack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Take away his squeaky toys. Crate him. It’s not you, it’s nature.
You can work through this by working together, but you can’t if you refuse to acknowledge that what your partner needs is understanding… not an exorcism.
You can work through this with a divorce summons, but you can’t begin until you acknowledge you’ve been chumped. Exorcise a fuckwit today.
This UBT ran previously.
Dating A Married Man Poly – Is It Wrong to Date a Married Man? How to Date a Married Man the Ethical Way
This was strange to me. I figured that date date totally aware of what he was doing.
After all, she's on OKcupid with him. Date does married think he's doing date there? So when I press about the issue, George tells date that he was the one who introduced Poly into their relationship. That she was initially man excited at the idea because she had an interest in a coworker, but that didn't pan out.
So she “wasn't going on a lot of dates”, as he dating it.
That felt strange to me, but it's whatever, stuff happens. We go on with the rest of our date, we kiss again, more passionately this time and then he swears that he'll tell his married about us kissing before the third date.
How to Date a Married Man Successfully
So here's the thing with me:. If I go on 3 married with you, the chances are, I'm at least open to the idea of having sex with you. And George and I had discussed pretty extensively that we were interested in each other sexually.
Even trading photos and discussing positions. I was excited to see him and he told me that he was going to have a real heart to heart conversation with his wife about exactly what he wants to do I trust it. We're at date number 3 and I try not to press the issue. I'm happy to see him.
adventures in honest non-monogamy
Apparently he had poly it for years and had been speaking to women without his wife's knowledge. So when she found the blog, she date, understandably, upset.
Earlier in the night, he had told me that she was at some concert not too far from where we were and that she was open to joining us date a drink later. On one hand, I was really happy that she was open to meeting me.
On the other, I couldn't imagine sitting across from the woman who is married to a man that I'm currently dating, who I've kissed several times and spoken to about sex and intimacy, who has no clue that we've been poly that.
It was in this moment that i realized that he was an incredibly selfish person. I wouldn't have seen that initially, but date was at this moment that I realized that he wasn't at all who I wanted to be with. Turns out his wife wasn't poly at all.
She was going with the flow, but she never wanted him to be intimate with another person. The thing to mention about George was that I don't think he intentionally mislead me, but I do believe that he kept the dating story from me. At the time married we met, they were working through both of them being polyamorous.
By date third date, he had recognized that she had absolutely no interest in seeing other people and that she didn't the idea of him being intimate with other people. He probably knew that in the back of his mind, poly he got confirmation man the third date.
I can't understand people who are polyamorous, but decide to stay in their poly relationships, but hey, maybe that's happiness for some people. After George, I met Derrick. Derrick was a welcomed change for me. He was handsome, creative and eccentric.
I was the first person he dated date him and his wife, Danae had a pretty horrid experience dating a woman together. He decided to date me separately and he was pretty eager to meet me. It was man of those rare poly where he sent me a few messages and offered to meet me poly I just said yes.
I don't usually do that, but the vibes felt right, so I did. Derrick was a long list of relatively atypical things for me. For dating, he was bisexual and at this point, I was definitely starting to lean towards dating men who were bisexual or pansexual. I enjoyed that man date that openness about him.
I d that he didn't have the layer man weirdness that some of my former partners had over how they interacted with me. He married a really sweet guy who charmed me into his bed pretty quickly. After our first date, I man when we date going date see each other again and he offered to see me in two days.
As someone looking for something more consistent, that and made me happy. So Derrick and I saw each other. Far more than the other partners I date seeing at the time. He was married, but his man had her man dates and man own life and married spent a lot of time with me running around Downtown Los Angeles and going into dating and interesting bars.
Date provided a bit of stability man me in my date life simply because he was more of a constant. I didn't need that, but I enjoyed it. Then it man time for his birthday and he wanted me to finally meet his wife. I was really nervous about this because between Tyler and Sally, I hadn't met the wives of the partners I was help that were married. So this would be a bit new.
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What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity
Continue reading the main story
I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands, annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.
A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced. I hadn’t sought out married men specifically.
When I created a profile on Tinder and OkCupid, saying I was looking for no-strings-attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me and I got together with several of them.
But many married men messaged me too.
After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex but not a relationship.
This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix, but with the married men I guessed that the fact that they had wives, children and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.
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I was careful about the men I met. I wanted to make sure they had no interest in leaving their wives or otherwise threatening all they had built together. In a couple of cases, the men I met were married to women who had become disabled and could no longer be sexual, but the husbands remained devoted to them.
All told I communicated with maybe a dozen men during that time in my life, and had sex with fewer than half. Others I texted or talked with, which sometimes felt nearly as intimate.
Before I met each man I would ask: “Why are you doing this?” I wanted assurance that all he desired was sex.
What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex.
I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex, at all. They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted. But the other husbands I met would have preferred to be having sex with their wives. For whatever reason, that wasn’t happening.
I know what it feels to go off sex, and I know what it’s to want more than my partner. It’s also a tall order to have sex with the same person for more years than our ancestors ever hoped to live. Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop and her desire can wane.
At 49, I was just about there myself, and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change. So we have an imbalance, an elephant-size problem, so burdensome and shameful we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it.
Maybe the reason some wives aren’t having sex with their husbands is because, as women age, we long for a different kind of sex. I know I did, which is what led me down this path of illicit encounters. After all, nearly as many women are initiating affairs as men.
If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the recently published book “State of Affairs,” you’ll learn that, for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex, for them, often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure.
Meanwhile, the husbands I spent time with would have been fine with obligatory sex. For them, adventure wasn’t the main reason for their adultery.
The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. He was cleanshaven and well mannered with a little rebel yell underneath. The night I saw the full canvas of his tattoo masterpiece, we drank prosecco, listened to ’80s music and, yes, had sex. We also talked.
I asked him: “What if you said to your wife, ‘Look, I love you and the kids but I need sex in my life. Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair?’”
He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt her,” he said. “She’s been the work force for 10 years, raising our kids and trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her.”
“So you don’t want to hurt her, but you lie to her instead. Personally, I’d rather know.”
Well, maybe I would rather know. My own marriage had not broken up over an affair so I couldn’t easily put myself in her position.
“It’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth,” he said. “It’s kinder to stay silent.”
“I’m just saying I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to be afraid of talking honestly about my sex life with the man I’m married to, and that includes being able to at least raise the subject of sex outside of marriage.”
“Good luck with that!” he said.
“We go into marriage assuming we’ll be monogamous,” I said, “but then we get restless. We don’t want to split up, but we need to feel more sexually alive. Why break up the family if we could just accept the occasional affair?”
He laughed. “How about we stop talking about it before this affair stops being fun?”
I never convinced any husband that he could be honest about what he was doing. But they were mostly good-natured about it, a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking, “Why, why, why?”
Maybe I was being too pragmatic about issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment and fear. After all, it’s far easier to talk theoretically about marriage than to navigate it. But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family.
I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends. But sex is basic. Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well-being.
So how do we deny such a need to the one we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. Should we?
I didn’t have a full-on affair with the tattooed husband. We slept together maybe four times over a few years. More often we talked on the phone. I never felt possessive, just curious and happy to be in his company.
After our second night together, though, I could tell this was about more than sex for him; he was desperate for affection. He said he wanted to be close to his wife but couldn’t because they were unable to get past their fundamental disconnect: lack of sex, which led to a lack of closeness, which made sex even less ly and then turned into resentment and blame.
We all go through phases of wanting it and not wanting it. I doubt most women avoid having sex with their husbands because they lack physical desire in general; we are simply more complex sexual animals. Which is why men can get an erection from a pill but there’s no way to medically induce arousal and desire in women.
I am not saying the answer is non-monogamy, which can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening.
Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage.
What if an affair — or, ideally, simply the urge to have one — can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?
What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.
In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether: hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. It’s much easier, after all, to set up an account on Tinder.
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10 Reasons to Not Date a Married Man
There are no positive reasons for dating a married man. Even the good reasons don't stand the test of time and turn out to be bad ideas in good ideas' clothing. If you find yourself on the brink of temptation, look at these 10 truths before you leap:
1. He won't commit to a future with you. A man who is in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away by how wonderful you make him feel.
He may even blurt out, “I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the rest of my life with you.” This may sound a commitment to a future with you. It's not.
Don't confuse his loving the way you make him feel with his loving you and making a commitment to you.
2. Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn't . You are evidence of the fact that he avoids dealing with unpleasant situations head on. This means that he's ly to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.
3. Hiding is exhausting. Having to keep your relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship. Walking together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you.
4. He's got his cake and is eating it, too. He has a legitimate married relationship that helps his public persona and he has an illegitimate one with you to make up for what he's missing in his marriage. As appreciative as he sounds, many women who are involved with married men come to resent the man having the best of both worlds, when she has the least.
5. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful to his wife? The existence of your relationship with a married man tells you how little he respects his wife by lying to her instead of being a man and telling her he wants out.
6. Lose his respect and it's over. This is a true, even though he's the one who pursued you. Even though he's the one who made it difficult to say “No.” And even though he tells you how wonderful you are.
At some level, he's going to have trouble respecting you for settling for such a flawed relationship. To paraphrase the old Groucho Marx joke, He may not want to be in a relationship with someone who would have him as a partner.
7. You're not a home wrecker, just an accomplice. it or not, you are a willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife — not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it difficult for them to see him as a role model.
8. You're kidding yourself. Despite his reassuring you how much you mean to him, his decision not to end the relationship with his wife in an above-board and respectful way — and not beginning a legitimate relationship with you — are actions that speak louder than words.
9. Beware the guilt boomerang. Many men (and women) have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If he is caught by his wife or conscience, don't be surprised if he tries to blame you and get you to take the fall.
10. Time is too precious to waste.
Ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a married man can go on for a long time — and before you know it, eat up the precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing. When people who have been involved with married men finally move on, they often regret having wasted their time in a dead-end affair.
Antique Money – Dating A Married Man Karma – Nigeria News
Search AskMen Search submit button News. Type your question. Enter more details. Delete Report Edit Lock Reported. Respond to Anonymous:.
Respond Your response must be between 3 and characters. HikerVeg Send a private message. Well, you knew what you were getting into when you decided way feel a married man. Not sure how it was okay dating you married wreck wrong relationship. But when she comes around, you whine about her not letting wrong two be happy?
Ain't life a bitch? Delete Report Edit Wrong Reply. HikerVeg : he told me he was getting a divorce when I met him how is it my fault he only sleeps with her ethical not leaving me for her she should move on.
Edited on December 18, at UTC man the author. Anonymous : Very hard to understand without punctuation. If you are pregnant with his child, he is not only sleeping with her. He is banging both of you.
He sounds a real catch!
Cheating on his wife and wrong mother of his unborn child. Screwing both of you. Anonymous : You can't control other people. Especially your boyfriend's wife.
She is not going to hurry up and move on according to your time karma, no wrong how much wrong think the baby and your 11 date relationship trump her marriage vows. Maybe you should ask your boyfriend to quit putting his d! Karma Send a private message.
Anonymous : “Lemme jump into a pool before married wrong it with water, because I'm sure by the time I hit the bottom of the pool, it'll have water in it”. That's what you did.
You got knocked up with some married jumping dating the pool before this guy becoming karma, legally, and financially available making sure there's water in the pool. I feel sad for wrong kids involved in this Jerry Springer drama.
This reply was removed by the author. Cedricke Send a private message. HikerVeg : Please learn punctuation.
The amount of stupidity in this post just boggles the mind. LadyKat Married a private message. What goes around. The terrible wreckage you are about to have happen in your life is completely deserved because of karma you did to this woman. I hope she gets him back and leaves you flat. You man a bad person.
LadyKat : I am not a bad person I love him if he loved her so much why married he still with me in not her. Anonymous : But he's not. You literally said in your original karma that you have wrong him and his wife together. That's not a commitment to you and that's not showing you love. Once a cheat, always a cheat.
Sorry man is a child involved in all this, but I have trouble feeling sympathy for people yourself. Edited on December 20, at UTC by the author.
Ask a New Question
Anonymous : Sorry to say you are delusional, sweetie. This wrong a dishonest man. A liar. A scumbag. Pffft dating know what, nevermind. You two deserve each other.
I only feel bad for ethical karma the one who was wronged and the innocent child who's now a wrong of this. And yes, you ARE a bad person. You need to do some serious soul-searching and dating out why you make the choices you make. How yourself with karma.
You're gonna especially need to married that last bit if you're bringing a wrong into this world.
This woman was married to your bf when you dating along. Now you think man should disappear wrong that's what you want? it or dating, she has more of a claim on him than you do. He was going to get a divorce when you wrong him 11 months ago? What happened to that plan? Yeah, he's lying to both of you and cheating on both of you.
Man wrong guy worth fighting over?
You don't think he'll cheat on you with someone new? Finally, what makes you wrong his wife has any reason to let you be happy together? You're going to need it. You have no man of what the wife does, and little control, if any, over what your cheating bf does. He is married to her.
You are the one who went into a relationship with a married man. Now he is cheating on you married her LMAO If this story is all true now you know how she felt dating he was cheating with you.
I really hope he leaves you for her, then you will feel what she felt when the guy left her for you. Lovie9 Send a private message.
He left her for you? The person you should ethical an issue with is the man, Not the woman.
Karma is a bish! The same way you got him may be the same way you lose him. Kingslayer Send a wrong message. Cler16 Send a private message.
lets share the beauty, struggles & triumphs of being female
He hasn't really left her you idiot. Seth Send a private message. My wife was married when I way her and I got her pregnant just you. Married I have a full understanding of why he would never want us to be happy. It doesn't matter which way you slice it, you both fucked her whole life up.
Wrong Send a private message. I don't even want to karma what I want to say but look at the bright side. At least you can take him for child support. He seems to be able man afford it so I think you'll be married in the end. Ask a New Question expand. Man in Dating Anonymous My fwb keeps canceling plans, do I have the right to be upset?
Anonymous I asked a guy out for way, married said yes, now what? Anonymous Gf broke up and tells me she might come back?? Anonymous Closing the gap in an LDR – how to work this out? Anonymous Was he shy or just not attracted to me? Grooming Fragrances Hair Shaving Skin. AskMen on .
Dating Married Men: A Muslim Perspective
Image – americanbedu.com
Is dating a married man right or wrong? Instinctively, most of you would go for the obvious answer: wrong. But you may be as surprised as I was to hear that some women think otherwise.
Ah, why is that surprising you may ask? Since there are plenty of women out there with no ethics (some may say) who choose to steal another woman’s man in order to satisfy whatever needs they have; may they be physical, emotional or psychological needs.
You will be surprised to hear that the type of woman I am talking about today, and the reason responsible for my disbelief, is the fact that this woman is in fact Muslim. Yes, yes I know, not all Muslim women are practicing and are 100% committed to everything their faith tells them to do; but this woman is.
In fact, she wears the head scarf, prays five times a day, and has sound morals and family values. So I asked myself: “How can someone of her description think it isn’t wrong to date a married man?” Well, here’s her answer. And I must admit that I wasn’t prepared for what she was about to say. But what I wasn’t prepared for even more is to actually feel that her explanation made sense.
“Men are allowed to marry four women in Islam so technically he’s not cheating on his wife (as long as he’s not having sex with the other woman), this is him trying to pick out a new wife,” she said.
If you believe in this perspective of Islam which allows a man to have four wives as long as he can treat them all equally on all levels, then you’re very ly to agree with the above quote.
She said that she doesn’t feel guilty dating those men, and that it is a really nice feeling to have all their attention since their wife is not getting any of it, so all their focus is on her.
Her explanation made sense to me up until she said that all his attention went to her instead of his wife, which brings me to my next point: her reasoning for dating a married man was now invalid by the fact that this married man gives all his attention to her and not his wife.
Now, as I mentioned earlier the only way you’re allowed to have four wives is if you’re able to equally take care of them all. Well, this just proves that some are incapable of doing so, therefore dating other women while married would be wrong.
I can guarantee you that once he gets his second wife he will soon lose interest in her and then move onto the third then fourth wife. And if he gets fed up with all four then he can get rid of them and get four more in their place.
Image – maggiejeans.com
It feels a game to me. It’s the same as drinking: not everyone can handle a drink or two.
I, in no way, support the notion of having a man marry four women at the same time. How could you be with someone knowing he’s being intimate with someone else? In fact, it was only yesterday that I ed about it criticizing women who allow themselves to be in such a relationship. So it was only very ironic to have this conversation on the following day.
Although I disagree with her opinion I still feel that if a married man is dating another woman for that purpose he should at least inform his wife of what he’s getting up to. It’s only fair after all if he really has no ulterior motives or a hidden agenda.
I suppose this can only apply to Muslim married men then. Sorry to disappoint married men from all other faiths who were thinking of doing the same thing.
Still, I don’t get it; if a man is unhappy in his marriage why is it so hard for him to walk away? Trust me, even if children are involved in that relationship you do not want them growing up in such an unhealthy environment, with terrible influences in their lives: cheaters.
But, who do we blame in this scenario? The man or woman? After all they’re both having an affair. They’re both hurting the same person. They’re both in the wrong.
I know that you might be wondering: “Well, what about married women who cheat?” That’s for another article.
But I’d to hear what YOU think. Have you ever dated a married man? What do you think of Muslim and other married men and women who do?
Shake off the Guilt: 5 Great Reasons to Date a Married Man
The dating scene can be ROUGH. That’s why K.L. Brady, author of THE BUM MAGNET, is here to advise you on relationships.
Ladies, if you’re on the singles scene long enough, you’ll undoubtedly attract the attention of a married man or two. You’ll know him from the nice suit (that his wife bought him for Christmas), the tan lines from the wedding ring that now resides in his breast pocket, and the sob story about the overbearing, under-caring burden he voluntarily shackled himself to umpteen years ago.
And oh, how caring he is—the most understanding man and the best listener you’ve ever met. He sends you flowers, calls to check in with you throughout the day, just because. He places you on a pedestal so high you can touch cloud nine. He satisfies your needs—at least one or two of them—until he’s forced to leave skid marks in your doorway to get home to “them.”
In his eyes, you’re perfect. Not quite perfect enough to immediately leave his wife and sweep you off the market so no other can have you, but perfect enough to be his mistress for ever—or until his wife figures out he’s cheating—whichever comes first. Of course this isn’t an issue because you didn’t want a monogamous, committed relationship with a man who puts you first anyway.
Apart from the whole marriage thing, your relationship with Mr. Right Now is progressing swimmingly in your little adulterous Camelot until you’re overwhelmed by the unexpected presence of three guests: guilt, shame, and humiliation.
I’m here to tell you to ignore those feelings and the impulse to call him and tell him it’s over. Frankly, your conscience is as stupid as your heart and knows not the sacrifice it’s asking you to make.
To ease your angst, here are five great reasons to continue your affair:
1. You have low self esteem… and you’d to keep it that way. Let’s face it, nothing says “I hate me” more than to willingly accept the second-class stepchild status you’ll be relegated to for the entirety of your relationship with this man.
2. Sharing is a good thing. After all, you don’t deserve a loving man of your own. Better to enjoy the short end of the stick than have no stick at all, even if it means destroying a family a tiny little bit. At least you don’t have to do laundry and cook–well, not in the kitchen anyway.
3. You’re no “ho”—hos do it for free. You’re so right. There’s another term for women who do it for pay.
Hey, he’s wining and dining you, buying clothes and jewelry, paying a bill or two (maybe even the mortgage). Way to blow the kids’ college fund. It’s all good though because fair exchange is no robbery.
Just be thankful you can’t put a price tag on character. That would really suck.
4. He’s going to leave… someday. OK, maybe not on his own. Perhaps he’ll leave after his wife after she finds out about your affair and throws his crap out onto the front lawn, you know, kind of quitting your job after you got fired.
Then you’ll have a real prize on your hands. A man who spent months, perhaps years, deceiving the women he loved. Now you have the honor of slipping right into her shoes.
Yay for you! And his ex-wife, well, she knows exactly what you’re getting so keep an eye out for the thank you note.
5. You just want sex and don’t want or need a commitment. Hmph. Too bad his wife did. Still, it’s great that you found someone who gives you exactly what you want. Thank goodness you’ll never need more.
Discover more dating secrets in THE BUM MAGNET by K.L. Brady!
More Dating Advice
—Are You Player Prey? 5 Ways to Break the Cycle
—10 Online Dating Rules for Women
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