- For Women Who are Lonely and Bored at Home
- 10 Ways to Banish the Stay-at-Home Mom Blues
- It’s time to challenge this notion that staying home with your kids is akin to a prison sentence with an awfully whiny jailer.
- 1. Think Outings, not Hibernation
- 2. Enforce Quiet Time
- 3. Get Adult Stimulation
- 4. Start a Hobby
- 5. Learn Something
- How to Avoid Being a Bored Housewife
- 21 Things to Do if Your Marriage Feels Boring
For Women Who are Lonely and Bored at Home
Some women were asking me what they should do with their time because they are lonely and get bored being at home all day long. They also wanted to know if it were okay to go to Women’s Bible Studies. Trey, a man who comments on my blog once in a while, wrote the following comment that is worthy of its own post. Thank you, Trey.
First of all, have you asked your husbands if they are pleased with your efforts in the home? Have you asked them if there is anything additional that they would to see done, done better, or done differently? Have you asked them if they have a preference on how you spend your free time? Have you expressed your concerns to them and asked them to help you come up with constructive ways to use that time? This should be your first step and then comply fully with their wishes.
If they do not have a preference and leave it up to you, then ask yourself this: What did the Proverbs 31 woman do with her free time? How did she handle her loneliness? Trick question? Yeah, she didn’t really have any free time to be lonely did she? Her time, that started early in the morning before the rest of her household and ended late at night, was spent doing constructive, beneficial, and profitable WORK that benefited her household and brought good and honor to her husband. It also brought honor, praise, value, and blessing upon herself.
One of the tragedies of this modern era where women have so many modern machines, conveniences, and stores to shop in, is that they have way too much free time and way too many of them sit around idle and waste the time they are given (being lonely), or try and use it up in useless (socializing and shopping just to shop) and other (playing games on phones or computers) wasteful ways. Far too many women also use the time they have so inefficiently that it brings shame to their hard working husbands.
Instead of growing their own food for their family, they use the money that their husbands earn to purchase it. Many women purchase food that is as processed and already made up as possible to further reduce their time spent working in the kitchen.
Instead of growing the flax and cotton that is needed to make the fabric and then making the clothes that their family needs and possibly selling some to others, they use the money that their husbands earn to purchase their clothes and instead of mending something when it gets a hole, they just toss it and buy new replacements.
Whereas in decades and centuries past where the woman worked hard all day long at doing these types of beneficial household activities and ended up contributing so much more to the overall support of the household, nowadays, especially for the stay-at-home wife/mom, EVERYTHING is left to the husband to earn and provide for while the wives sit at home idle, suffering with loneliness and complaining that their husbands work too many hours. Is this really God’s plan for a Christian wife that she has so little to do in her home that her biggest problem in life is dealing with loneliness while her husband carries the load virtually all by himself and his reward is a nagging and complaining wife because he works too much?
Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not in any way suggesting that women go and work outside the home (unless that is what their husband instructs them to do). The Bible clearly teaches that a woman’s place is IN the home but ladies, those verses in Proverbs 31 weren’t put there for no reason!
Just because you can go (drive) to the local grocery store and purchase an already put together lasagna in a box ready to slide into your electric oven to cook for your family, does not mean that is what you should be doing.
You should purchase (or grow) the raw ingredients of a quality that is the best value (quality versus cost) and make as much of the food your family eats as possible from scratch.
Women, you need to learn to cook and do it well and teach your daughters these skills also as part of their home school curriculum. Done right, this will take some time but it is time well spent.
Do you have room for a vegetable garden in your back yard? Flower beds? Pots on your porch? Then as long as your husband is okay with it, grow as many of the vegetables that your family eats as you are able. Learn to can and put extras up if possible. Include these skills for your daughters in your homeschool curriculum. Time well spent.
Do you still have extra time? Can you make clothes for yourself and your kids to sell to others? Forget the flax and cotton, as that would not be an inefficient use of your time, but purchase fabric from the store and make some clothes or bed sheets.
If you don’t know how then use the internet for something useful and learn. Then you can teach your daughters this skill too (as part of your homeschool curriculum) and prepare them to be a Proverbs 31 wife to their future husbands. Time well spent.
Still have extra time or unable to garden or sew? Then, figure out what small part-time business that you can open your home (with your husband’s approval) to bring in some extra money. That is what the Proverbs 31 woman did and it was time well spent.
Here is the bottom line regarding your free time, prioritize your efforts (allowing your husband the final say) and continue to focus on these types of beneficial activities until your free time is all being constructively and beneficially used up.
Spend time with the Lord in song and worship while you work. Your fellowship with the Lord and the sense of accomplishment that you will get from the constructive work will drive loneliness far from you and there will be other rewards for time well spent.
Let’s face it ladies, 90 percent (or more) of the activities for women at the church INCLUDING women’s bible studies are just social events and are just a WASTE of time.
Do you want to spend one to two hours a week cleaning the bathrooms or vacuuming the floors at your local church? This would be time well spent but going up there to socialize and gossip with other women? Not so much.
I am not saying that you should NEVER attend a function this to socialize or never have lunch with another Christian woman, etc. but time spent this way should be considered a luxury and kept to a reasonable minimum.
The Bible has given you a model in Proverbs 31 of what a godly, virtuous wife should be and that is the scripture you should be meditating on when you are trying to figure out how to spend the free time given to you by your husband and the Lord.
A word of caution, be very careful going out on the internet and/or talking to other women to see how they have interpreted Proverbs 31 (hint: She wasn’t a career woman.) and what they are doing because there is a LOT more wrong out there than what is right. Read Proverbs 31 in the Bible for yourself.
Read it over and over until you have it memorized and then meditate on it for as many hours, days or weeks as it takes while praying to God and asking Him to show you what He wants you to do with the time that you have been given.
Then, when you think you have an answer, run it by your husband for his final approval and blessing.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
10 Ways to Banish the Stay-at-Home Mom Blues
I have always been a stay at home mom, but if you judge by the comments of many, I have the personality of a pea. If you’re a stay at home parent, you know what I mean. People constantly remark, “I don’t know how you do it.
I would go stir crazy if I had to stay home with my kids.
” I wonder if people who say that realize how insulting it can sound? The inference is that I am some sort of mutant sub-species that requires far less intellectual stimulation than normal, and can survive for days on end with the praise from Barney—”I love you, you love me”.
It’s time to challenge this notion that staying home with your kids is akin to a prison sentence with an awfully whiny jailer.
Certainly it can be tremendously difficult, draining and exhausting, especially since you usually walk around with banana mash on your jeans and spit up on your sweatshirt. But that’s not the whole story.
Many parents choose to work for a host of different reasons, and only you know what is right for your family. I know that for many, much as you may long to, staying home isn’t financially feasible. I don’t mean to leave you today’s post, but I do want to share with my readers who are at home how to make sure it doesn’t get overwhelming.
1. Think Outings, not Hibernation
We go about stay at home parenting all wrong. We start by buying tons of equipment (ExerSaucers, swing sets, trampolines) to ensure that we never have to leave the house.
But what happens if we’re home alone all the time? Our kids may go stir crazy and whine, cry and vomit. Then we cry. Probably we whine, too. And if we’re pregnant, we definitely vomit.
So let’s take a step back and approach this stay at home thing differently.
Instead of spending all day cooped up with the kids, plan for a daily outing, if possible. When my kids were little, we went out every single day. We went to the library. We went to a playgroup. We walked to a nearby park. We went to the museum (it was free on Thursday mornings).
The benefit was that the kids had fun, but they were tired out, and then they would nap better for me later. And if we were out, I could focus completely on them, so when we got home, it was easier to get them to give me time to myself.
2. Enforce Quiet Time
We count the minutes until we can put a child down for a nap. We rejoice when more than one child manages to nap at the same time. Sometimes we even grab a nap, too, wondering how long it will last.
And then an older child stops napping, and it all falls apart.
When a 3-year-old stops napping, enforce quiet time. Have them stay in their room for half an hour with a book or a toy, and let this be “quiet play” time. That gives you some time to yourself, and helps them get some rest (and thus not get so whiny).
3. Get Adult Stimulation
We aren’t meant to do motherhood alone, and you need adult conversation. Take your kids to a playgroup, or organize one yourself. Join the local YMCA or another fitness club that offers baby-sitting. Best of all, join a women’s Bible study or a MOPS group. Just make sure you do something at least once a week that gets you talking with adults.
And talk to your hubby at night, too! Share the burden with him, don’t just retreat to a screen and hand the kids over to him because now it’s his turn to bond with baby. It’s tempting to want to just watch a movie or collapse at the end of the day, but do try to spend some time talking. You need that connection, and he does, too.
4. Start a Hobby
Adult stimulation isn’t all we need; we also need intellectual stimulation–something that gives our brain a creative outlet.
Did you love knitting when you were a child? Start knitting again, even if it’s only at night when the kids can’t get to the yarn. Start crocheting. Start painting.
You don’t have to do it all the time, but if you have a hobby to research and plan and dream about, it helps.
5. Learn Something
And now it’s time to grow! Learning keeps life fresh. So pick a topic this year that you want to master. Maybe it’s more in-depth Bible knowledge (Kay Arthur or Beth Moore studies are great for that). Maybe it’s nutrition. Maybe it’s cooking. Maybe it’s investing. Maybe it’s politics.
Maybe it’s building a blog! Choose something that you’ve always wanted to know more about, and jump in! Research on the computer, start with small projects, and try. You can do it in 20 minute spurts while children play, or take an hour on the weekend that’s “your time”.
One new blogger I know goes to Starbucks every Saturday morning while her husband watches the kids.
How to Avoid Being a Bored Housewife
Michael Blann/Digital Vision/Getty Images
If you are a married woman with children who stays at home, you have more company than you think. Just over 30 percent women with children under the age of 18 weren't working in the year 2013, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Whether you have children at home to take care of or not, avoiding the boredom that may come along with being a housewife can help you to feel more fulfilled and content in your daily life.
From in-home activities to outside endeavors, you can develop your own interests and avoid the day-to-day blahs of housework and child care.
Acknowledge your boredom. While the daily routine you started when you first decided to stay at home may have kept you busy at first, doing the same thing over and over again can quickly turn your feelings from positive to negative.
Go back over your day and point out what specifically bores you or brings up negative feelings. Look for new ways to think about these daily tasks, ushering in positive feelings. For example, you used to enjoy cooking for the kids but now see it as a mindless chore.
Swap out the daily PB&J duty for a more engaging cooking experience, such as baking homemade mac and cheese or trying a recipe from another country.
If you have kids, take part in the school's parent-teacher organization. Volunteer to help out at the school bake sale, hang paintings for the arts festival, chaperone a school holiday party or chair an events committee.
Doing so doesn't just provide you with busy-work to do during the day.
Volunteering at your child's school offers a new social situation where you can meet other stay-at-home moms, make friends and engage in conversations with other grown-ups.
Start working out. Join a gym, hire a personal trainer or just start jogging in your neighborhood to get fit and up your overall psychological well-being. If you're looking to add in a social aspect, sign up for a group class, perhaps in aerobics or pilates.
Schedule some “me time” every day. Pick a length of time that fits into your daily routine and do something that doesn't involve laundry, washing floors, changing diapers or playing hide and seek.
You can try something as simple as closing your eyes and meditating for a few minutes or — if you have more time and someone to watch the kids — try out a new hobby such as painting outdoors with an easel.
Also consider taking a class at an adult learning center or community college.
Make new social connections. Join a local moms' group or a book club at your local library. You can also go online and connect via social media groups for housewives or stay-at-home moms.
Invite a neighbor, friend or the mom of your little one's pal out for lunch or coffee. Socialize and talk about anything — such as current events or the latest celebrity gossip — other than the daily boredom of being a housewife.
- Michael Blann/Digital Vision/Getty Images
21 Things to Do if Your Marriage Feels Boring
At the beginning of a marriage, everything feels new and exciting.
You've got romantic date nights planned weeks in advance, and what may become future annoyances are just endearing little quirks that make you love your spouse even more.
But unfortunately, that honeymoon stage won't last forever. Eventually, things are going to simmer down, and you might even find yourself feeling, well, bored.
Luckily, that feeling doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. All it means is that you might need to devote a bit more time and energy into making things exciting again. Read on to discover why you might be feeling bored in your marriage, along with expert-backed tips for how to get things back on track.
As time goes by, you might feel you know everything there is to know about your partner.
But they've still got more layers, we promise! “I can guarantee that you probably think differently than the way you did four or five years ago,” says relationship expert Dr.
Patrick Wanis, PhD. The same thing goes for your partner, which means you should never stop asking them questions and getting to know them.
When you begin a relationship, you have a number of expectations, whether it's about how exciting things should be, how available your partner should be, or how comfortable they should make you feel. But as the relationship goes on and circumstances change, you need to adjust your expectations as well.
“It's not so much that people change but the circumstances of the relationship change and then we change in response to that,” says Wanis. “You need to ask yourself what you're expecting from the relationship and what you're expecting from each other.
Is that expectation fair and reasonable or are you expecting something that your partner can no longer fulfill?” For example, if your partner used to make dinner every night, but recently got a promotion and has to put in more hours at the office, that expectation may no longer be reasonable.
It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but finding ways to surprise your spouse, whether with a gift or a thoughtful act, can keep your marriage feeling fresh, staving off those feelings of boredom.
“What do you need to feel loved? What does your partner need to feel loved?” asks Wanis. “Look for ways to surprise your partner, but surprise them their personality style.
” And here's what we mean by that…
There are five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Each person has two primary love languages that describe how they feel loved the most. “The best way to treat someone isn't to treat them the way that you want to be treated, it's to treat someone the way that they want and need to be treated,” says Wanis.
Interactions with your partner will be a lot more engaging and fun when you are able to fully understand how you each receive love. For help with where to start, take the Five Love Languages Quiz and have your partner take it, too.
Food is one of the easiest ways to bond with your partner. Wanis says that he even considers it to be the sixth love language. “Whether you're cooking together, whether you're cooking for each other, whether you're serving each other, or whether you're going out to try out new restaurants, food can be another great way to experience and express love,” he notes.
Sure, everyone loves to be swept off their feet by huge romantic gestures. But don't think the only way your relationship will feel exciting is if you're acting on a whim the couples in your favorite romantic comedy. That's just not realistic most of the time.
“In today's lifestyle, we have so many requests for our time, we must set aside time for our partner and our relationship,” says Wanis. “You can plan a vacation together, then when you're there, you can engage in certain spontaneous activities.”
Having a hum-drum daily routine can make any relationship feel boring. Try new restaurants, new hobbies, and new places to visit. If you enjoy it, perfect! If not, laugh about it and vow never to do it again.
Either way, getting your comfort zone ensures you won't be bored.
Plus, “it's been proven that those who do new things together build 'the cuddle hormone' (oxytocin) and feel closer for longer,” says California-based psychotherapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith, PhD.
When you get into a relationship, most couples establish goals together. But as time goes on and you reach those goals, it's pivotal to establish new ones to strive for. If not, you're bound to feel unenthused about the future.
Continuing to encourage and support each other in reaching your goals—whether solo or as a couple—ultimately increases the love you have for each other. As Goldsmith says, “Happiness comes from moving toward what you want, not necessarily getting it.”
If you're noticing that you feel a bit bored in your marriage, simply try sharing more. In order to bond with your partner, you must be willing to open up and be vulnerable. And doing so can come in many different forms. “Sharing can be sharing the exchange of information, of emotions. It can be the sharing of experiences,” says Wanis.
Need a place to start? Try discussing some of your favorite shared experiences. Not only will doing so remind you of great times, but it'll also open you up and give you more ideas for your next adventure!
On the other side of that coin, don't be afraid to be your own person. Couples who spend too much time together can easily start to feel bored, or even worse, frustrated. Try finding new hobbies of your own and experiencing things away from your spouse sometimes. It'll only give you more to share with them and make it more exciting when you reunite.
Accepting the fact that things will feel boring sometimes is an important step in fixing the problem.
After all, as Stanford University neuroscientist Russell Poldrack noted in an article for HuffPost, “novelty causes a number of brain systems to become activated, and foremost among these is the dopamine system.” And, as you may recall, dopamine is that feel-good hormone we're all after.
But being able to recognize your biological need for novelty and responding accordingly will ensure you and your partner don't suffer. “Every now and then, you need to think about the relationship—what's going on and what needs to happen so you can make it more interesting and exciting?” notes Irina Firstein, LCSW, a couples therapist in New York City.
Firstein says that once you start feeling safe and secure in your relationship, that's when you get lazy, complacent, and yes, bored. “You kind of stop making any kind of efforts, both physically and otherwise,” she says. “And we don't feel we need to try the way that we try in the beginning.”
Of course, after years of building a relationship with someone, it can be easy to think of what they do for you and your family as a normal part of life.
But it's important that you don't take your partner for granted and that you constantly express gratitude for who they are and the impact they have on your life and happiness.
You'll be surprised how much zest that can bring back into your marriage.
Sexual boredom is a common plague on long-term relationships. “It happens because people kind of fall into patterns of having a sexual relationship, or it'll just be much less important,” says Firstein. “Learn how to keep things going, how to keep desire going, and how to keep things alive.”
But how? Well, try voicing ideas with your partner and explore new ways to please each other. Just talking about sex can make your sex life a lot more exciting.
Technology is something many of us rely on heavily nowadays. But your relationship can become stale quickly if you're constantly attached to your phone. To avoid falling victim to “phubbing,” Firstein suggests instituting some phone-free time each day.
“When you come home, or half an hour after you come home, you have to turn your phones off and put them away for a period of time,” she says. “Just deal with what's happening between you and your kids and your partner.”
Spending time together as a family is important, of course, but the only time you spend time with your partner shouldn't be at your kids' school plays or soccer games. Frankly, if those are your date nights, you're bound to feel a bit bored. Make sure you take time away from the kids to enjoy each other without distractions.
“Check in with each other for at least 10 minutes every day,” Dr. Philip Cowan, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California at Berkeley, told Parents.
“That can be done after you put the kids to bed or even on the phone while you're both at work, as long as you're sharing what happened to you that day and how it's affecting you emotionally. The pace of life today is so frenetic that few couples do this.
But marriages are capable of change, and small changes can make big differences.”
Children can consume a lot of your time and focus. And once they grow up and leave the house, you and your partner can feel you no longer have anything in common. But rather than deeming your relationship boring without the kids, try to see it as the perfect opportunity to rekindle your romance.
Firstein suggests thinking of it as a new phase in your relationship. “Now, you don't have that distraction and you just have each other. It could be a very exciting time,” she says. “It actually can be a very fulfilling time to do things that you couldn't do for a long time.”
It's easy to feel stuck in a rut if you're not including other people in your life besides your partner. So don't let your friendships fall by the wayside after you tie the knot.
“It's important to have deeper relationships with other people, and it's very helpful to talk to others about what their experiences are in common situations,” says Firstein.
“This can be having friends you hang out with separately or even couples you enjoy spending time with together. Your relationship with your partner will grow once you have other people in your lives.”
Obviously, career is important, but don't let it be all-consuming. One of the easiest ways to make sure your career doesn't affect your marriage is to avoid logging back on once you get home. If that's not possible, set aside at least two or three nights a week that are always devoted to family time.
“Sometimes we go through that romantic stage and at about 18 months in we say, 'Now what?'” says New York-based relationship and marriage therapist Rachel Moheban, LCSW-R.
“You need to constantly reinvent and rekindle your relationship, especially developing emotional intimacy.
” As time passes in your relationship, be more deliberate about giving your marriage the care and attention it deserves and needs, even after the butterflies die down.
When you're feeling bored in your marriage, it's easy to point fingers. However, there could be some internal issues that are affecting how you interact with your partner.
“Are we feeling depressed? Are we having stressors at work? What's going on with our own disconnect that might be causing a disconnect in your relationship?” Moheban asks.
Being able to reconnect with yourself can allow you to reconnect with your partner, too.
Some people think that when you're in a relationship for a long time, you will inevitably outgrow each other. But that's hardly the case. Don't assume having a boring relationship is inevitable. Once you remove that mindset, you'll bring positivity back into your relationship with your partner.
As Firstein notes, “It's a little bit of a scary problem to talk about. But, if you're aware of the problem, and if you want something else, then you have to talk about it.” And for more advice on how to keep your marriage alive, check out the 30 Things You're Doing Wrong That Will Kill Your Marriage.
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