- I Miss My Ex Husband After Divorce
- Moving Out After the Break-Up
- Before You Move Out, Minimize the Time You Spend Together in the Apartment
- Talk Over the Lease
- Sort Your Things, but Don’t Be Greedy
- Organize Separate Moving Days
- I Want My Family to Cut Ties with My Ex. Am I Being Unreasonable?
- Why I Want My Family to Cut Ties with My Ex
- Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend Is Going Through a Divorce
- 20 Ways To Break Up With Your Boyfriend | Goop
- Cheating & Breakups | What to Do When Your Relationship Ends
- My boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me. How do I deal?
- What counts as cheating?
I Miss My Ex Husband After Divorce
By implication you are admitting that everything was fine initially, and then it went downhill;. . . then obviously something must have gone wrong along the way??
The fact that he WAS affectionate, implies that the dynamic of your relationship changed after a couple of years?
Women’s emotional needs ARE VERY REAL
• Need to be loved (UNCONDITIONALLY)
• To be cherished and adored by her husband
• Quality time
• Be sexually attentive to YOUR preferences in the bedroom . . . husband must not be selfish
By the SAME TOKEN, men’s physical & emotional needs are VERY REAL
• He needs to feel a “winner” in the eyes of his wife . . . i.e UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT
This is where the femi-nazis normally loose it, and demand that the husband EARNS RESPECT . . . then, by implication, you should EARN HIS LOVE AND ADORATION
Hence the abundance of articles with titles such as
: Where have all the good men gone?
Why are men refusing to get married?
If you claim that he is a “wimp” for needing you . . . to “boost” his ego . . . then why are you a “needy wife” that perpetually needs to be reassured of his love??
CAPICHE?? . . . . cuts BOTH ways!!
Despite what your libtard lesbian Gender Studies Lecturer had to say on the matter . . . men and women ARE DIFFERENT and do have different needs
• Secondly a husband works a dog to look after his family (obviously there is ALWAYS the exception to the rule)
• He needs to feel APPRECIATED (just as much as you do)
• Men NEED SEX in order to thrive . . . . problem is that men and women have radically different views on the topic
o Men express their love and affection by having sex with their wives . . . if you GIVE yourself to him whole heartedly . . . then he will treat you as a queen.
o Women need to feel “in the mood” . . . loved and adored, before they will allow their husbands near them
o Chicken an egg situation . . . he needs to have sex in order to express his love and you need to feel loved in order to give him “pity / obligation / duty sex”
o Vicious cycle that is GOING TO ROB YOU OF ALL & ANY MARITAL BLISS – Your husband’s resentment will border on toxic.
• If a husband knows that his wife considers him to be her “hero”& that she will support him in all his endeavors . . . he will go to ANY LENGTH in order not to disappoint her
I believe that this is one of the primary reasons that some scumbag husbands cheat . . . his mistress RESPECTS & adores him, compliments him, appreciates him and doesn’t give him starfish / pillow queen sex.
He feels a “winner” in her company and she makes him feel GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF.
When woman get unhappy, they nag and get very vocal, the husband argues back a couple of times . . . . the wife then ups the level of confrontation and the husband becomes withdrawn and quiet . . . goes to his man cave
The crazy cycle escalates and the husband shuts down completely and emotionally
The wife feels extremely neglected, then angry, then contempt and then starts to emasculate him
The husband is now “ripe for the picking” and very vulnerable to ANY woman that compliments him.
Normally a couple of triggers occur after 5 years:
1. Baby is born and the wife devotes all her time and attention to the baby . . . he feels neglected and withdraws
2. Sex life plummets, because wife is always “tired or not in the mood” . . . . EVERY OTHER priority in her life gets her undivided attention, except husband.
3. If wife had better previous sex partners . . . her husband is screwed . . . the wife dare not tell him; and if she tells him . . . he is ruined for the rest of his life (inadequate as a MAN)
4. Wife tries to CHANGE HUSBAND . . . . into what she wants him to be . . . . BIG SOURCE OF RESENTMENT
5. Wife buys into the Hollywood happily ever after fantasy and puts HUGE expectations on her husband to “make her happy” . . . . totally and absolutely unrealistic
Google and read the next couple of articles, and decide whether you are guilty of any of these emasculation habits
1. Jolene Engle – 10 ways know youre emasculating husband
2. Anne Dresden – 10 ways you’re pushing away men — and how to stop!
3. Jon Pease – Does Your Husband Feel Emasculated?
4. Keith Brown – 14 Things You Say or Do That Emasculates Your Man!
5. Gem Villamin – 7 Ways You’re Emasculating Your Man Without Even Realizing It (That Could Ruin Your Relationship)
6. Do a Google Search on articles written by wives who related their experiences “ When they stopped criticizing their husbands and started demonstrating “affection and appreciation” . . . very interesting reading
You are able to win your husband affection back . . . but then you are going to give him what his MALE psychic craves for . . . which is VERY UNPOPULAR WITH most “emancipated” females . . . .
OK then; ignore hundreds of thousands of years of sociological imprinting in your husbands brain & carry on suffering in silence
If I have offended any ladies . . . I apologize profusely . . . This WOMAN is desperately asking for advice and I am giving it from a male’s perspective.
I am well aware of the pathetic male specimens who are cheating on their loving and caring wives . . . they should be castrated and I will need to write a book in order to address their despicable behavior
My wife and I have been HAPPILY married for 30 years.
She snaps her fingers and I come running a lap dog, that is about to receive a “treat” . . . because I FEEL an accomplished winner in her presence.
I KNOW that she 1) respects me 2) appreciates me 3) gives herself completely to me when making love
Early on in our marriage we had a long, open & honest discussion on what we NEEDED from each other . . . and what we considered unrealistic demands, imposed on one another (my wife made peace with the reality that my name is not “Prince Charming” that Fanatasy Land was a Hollywood invention and that the two of us had to WORK HARD at our marriage, lest the flame of passion got extinguished.
I adore my wife to bits and will move mountains to please her – we fight ANY OTHER COUPLE, but we fight fairly and without demeaning each other . . . very conscious that our words can cause irreparable harm to our relationship
And before you lose all hope . . . there is prayer (has never failed our marriage)
Moving Out After the Break-Up
An estimated 18 million people live with their significant other in the United States. And while we all hope that those couples are happy and healthy in their homes, the truth is that a lot of them will break up before their first lease together is even over.
Breaking up is never easy, but it’s way more difficult when there are boxes to pack and items to split up. On top of that, there are a few other tricky logistics you’ll ly have to think through — even if you aren’t legally married.
Here is your ultimate guide to moving out after the break-up.
Before You Move Out, Minimize the Time You Spend Together in the Apartment
After you’ve said the words “I think we should see other people” or “this just isn’t going to work,” there’s not much you can do to turn back time. But just because the relationship is over doesn’t mean that either one of you has a place to actually go yet.
In this awkward in-between period, you should try to do as much as possible to minimize your time together in your apartment. If you have a two bedroom unit, set up a makeshift bedroom for one person (or have them set up camp on the couch) so that you’re not having to share a bed anymore.
Live in a cramped studio? You may want to ask a friend if you can crash on their couch or in their guest bedroom until you get things sorted out at home.
After work, spend time reading at coffee shops, having dinner with friends, and bonding with family to avoid feeling cooped up with your ex-partner.
Talk Over the Lease
Break-ups don’t often occur neatly when the lease is about to end, so the two of you will most ly need to sit down and figure out what you’ll each do in the meantime.
Will both of you be moving out or just one of you? Will you look into subletting the apartment, or is it possible to break the lease altogether and just pay the fee that’s listed in the agreement?
If you’re the one who’s moving out, you’ll find it best to either help your ex-partner find a new roommate who can cover your share of the rent or agree to keep paying it yourself until the lease is up.
Although it might feel easier to just walk away from the apartment with all of your stuff without having these conversations, you should do your best to respect each other in these moments. The last thing you want to do is leave your ex in a lurch with rent they can’t afford (and a resulting bad credit score).
Sort Your Things, but Don’t Be Greedy
After you’ve determined who is going to be moving the apartment, you’ll need to deal with one of the more difficult parts of breaking up: the sorting of stuff.
Depending on how long the two of you have been together, this can be a simple or seemingly impossible task, as you might not be able to remember who bought what and what is more important to who.
Before you start dividing things up, go through the apartment together and do a clean sweep of everything you’d to donate, recycle, and throw away. That way one of you won’t end up stuck with all the useless junk neither of you ever made an effort to move.
After that, you’ll want to make a few piles of the remaining stuff: definitely yours, definitely theirs, and an undecided middle pile.
It’s easy to be petty here, but you’ll find that the moving process runs smoother if you swallow your pride and relent when it seems a particular item is important to them. Otherwise, you’re going to be arguing with each other until the moving truck arrives.
Consider things who bought the item, who uses it more, and whether or not the item is sentimental to either partner when completing this task.
Organize Separate Moving Days
If both of you are moving out, you should try your best to each pick a different day to do it. This will give everyone more space and personal comfort.
If only one person is moving out, the other partner should temporarily leave the apartment for the day. Staying home while their ex is moving will not only be emotionally difficult, but it will also be distracting. Make arrangements to go visit a friend or family member, or plan to be at the office while the moving truck is there.
Separate moving days will ensure a clean, healthy break-up without too many complications. The good news is that eventually, you will start to feel normal again in your new living situation, no matter what it might be.
I Want My Family to Cut Ties with My Ex. Am I Being Unreasonable?
I don’t usually post about my personal life online, but have decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. I was married for 13 years before I finally cut ties with my ex and we got divorced.
My ex-husband and I are great at co-parenting. We aren’t friends but can get along enough to try to do what’s best for our five kids. I have full custody and he has visitation.
We both attend school conferences and events and make “big decisions” regarding the kids together.
When I made the decision to divorce, I was prepared to “give up” a lot of things. I knew I would struggle financially and was prepared to give up my cell phone, cable TV, eating out, and even the possibility of having to move to a smaller house or apartment. I wasn’t prepared to give up my family, and that really took me by surprise.
Why I Want My Family to Cut Ties with My Ex
I’ve always been very close to my older sister. We moved our families from California to Utah together and used to do everything together (vacations, outings, shopping, etc.). Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephew’s ball games. I attended a couple but soon stopped because I wanted to cut ties with my ex, I didn’t want to have to be around him.
As time went on, I noticed that my sister (and her husband and kids) still stayed pretty close to my ex. One of the first “big” holidays after my divorce was Thanksgiving. We had agreed that I would have the kids.
I planned on going to my sister’s house for Thanksgiving dinner as I had always done before. As it got closer to Thanksgiving, I started worrying that my ex would be there. It’s not that we can’t be at the same place.
We don’t hate each other, but I don’t being around him.
A few days before Thanksgiving, I text my sister to ask her if he would be there. She said she didn’t know yet. Two days before Thanksgiving, I text again and asked and let her know that if he was going to be there, the kids and I would not.
She responded and told me that yes, he would be there. That was one of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. The day before Thanksgiving, I went shopping and bought everything for Thanksgiving dinner. The kids and I spent the day at home together. We cooked together and had our own little dinner.
But it wasn’t the same. We weren’t around family.
This kind of thing has continued, and I have distanced myself from her and her family.
About a year and a half after my divorce, my little sister and her husband decided to move from California to be closer to us.
I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. I couldn’t wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them.
I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a house five doors down from my ex-husband.
Since the move, my little sister has also gotten really close to my ex. He goes to her house during the holidays. He invites them over for barbecues. They all carve pumpkins (Halloween) and build gingerbread houses (Christmas) together, etc.
Soon after my little sister moved, my mom did too. Now, my two sisters, my mom, and I all live in the same town.
My ex has our kids every other weekend. Every time I pick them up, I hear the stories of what they did. He also has a girlfriend now.
They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) have Superbowl parties together, have “family days” at the park, go shooting, go out to dinner or breakfast, etc.
My sister has become great friends with my ex’s girlfriend. They all hang out together. They (and my kids) went and decorated my ex’s work for his birthday, etc., etc., etc.
I try really hard to do what’s best for my kids. Even though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family do together all the time, I never say anything about it to my kids.
I listen to their stories and hold back the tears until I’m alone because I don’t want them to feel bad or think that they are doing anything wrong. But I truly think it’s wrong.
I wish they would just cut ties with my ex already.
I get along with him when I have to: when I feel it’s best for our kids (birthdays, school events). I am always civil with/to him and never say anything bad about him to or in front of my kids.
I listen to how my kids are developing a relationship with his girlfriend.
It hurts sometimes to hear how close they are to her and all the “motherly” kinds of things they do together, but I think that’s good for my kids and I try to support it.
I feel I do everything I can to help my kids and always try to look at things from other points of views, but I don’t think I should have to choose to either give up my family or spend so much time (including every holiday) with my ex-husband. I don’t who I am or how I feel around him. I become unhappy and grouchy. I shouldn’t have to feel that way in order to spend time with my family, and I don’t think my kids should have to see me that either.
I feel an emotional mess and cry any time I think about all of it. I don’t talk to or see my family anymore. I don’t get to see my little niece or nephew grow. I don’t get to know and spend time with them.
My question is this:
Am I unreasonable to want my family to cut ties with him and support me and my decision? Or should I be expected to just “deal with it”?
Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend Is Going Through a Divorce
There are several ways to look at this situation, and I want to help you consider a couple of them so that you can see these events differently.
When I see couples for therapy, I’m always interested in their origin story—how they met, what those early months were , and what meaning each person gave (and still gives) to the events as they played out.
One way to tell your origin story is to say that your boyfriend wasn’t trustworthy and that you have evidence to support this: He didn’t initially tell you that he was separated rather than divorced; he kept in contact with his wife while you were dating; and he didn’t take the steps you asked him to take to move the divorce forward even though he said he would.
This version of the story could play out in various ways, but most ly it will keep you locked in place.
Even if you find your boyfriend to be completely trustworthy going forward, you might carry the pain of this early time into your future, along with the belief that his not pursuing his divorce in the way you wanted reflected some deficiency in his love for you and/or deficiency in his moral compass. And viewed through the lens of this pain, you might never truly trust him. Needless to say, this isn’t a solid foundation for a relationship.
Another way to tell your origin story, however, goes something this: Your boyfriend’s marriage was ending, but many marital endings, it wasn’t clean and it was painful for both people involved. One or both of them might have been ambivalent. One might have wanted the divorce and the other didn’t. Or the decision to divorce might have been mutual but both still had to grieve the loss.
It might sound counterintuitive that exiting a bad situation would result in grief, but few relationships are all good or all bad.
Most people choose each other because they genuinely enjoy many of the same things—they often have similar interests, ways of seeing the world, senses of humor, and sets of values.
They might not match up exactly on all of these, but generally there’s enough emotional glue for them to choose to marry, for them to commit to a future and think, We’ll be happy going through life together.
But when a marriage ends, so does everything that came with it—not just the parts that weren’t working, but also the parts that were, all the comforts that the marriage provided: time invested in getting to know each other intimately, the built-in company and daily routines, all the private jokes and references, the shared memories and experiences. We can still miss aspects of people and the relationship we had even if we don’t want to be with them.
I don’t know how deeply you got to know your boyfriend as he went through his divorce, but my guess is that your anxiety about where he was in the process didn’t leave much room for your curiosity about his inner life, nor was he left feeling safe enough to share it with you. You met him at a major crossroads in his life, when he was trying to navigate the end of his marriage and the beginning of his relationship with you, and while he tried to accommodate your needs, I don’t know how aware you were of his.
“,”author”:null,”date_published”:”2019-04-01T11:00:00.000Z”,”lead_image_url”:”https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/kU2hdNRh2OXH4ipYB-apnx9Ch7s=/0x0:1597×832/960×500/filters:format(png)/media/img/mt/2019/04/Image_from_iOS/original.png”,”dek”:null,”next_page_url”:null,”url”:”https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/04/my-boyfriend-going-through-divorce/586072/”,”domain”:”www.theatlantic.com”,”excerpt”:”As he and his ex are nearing the end of their divorce process, Iâm not sure how much I can actually trust him.”,”word_count”:1,”direction”:”ltr”,”total_pages”:1,”rendered_pages”:1}
20 Ways To Break Up With Your Boyfriend | Goop
Take time to dissolve the ending by giving your partner notice and discussing reasonable ways to end things.
Speak highly of your soon-to-be ex, because what you say about them actually reflects a great deal about you.
Spend a good deal of time reflecting on how you got into the intimacy bog and what you could have done differently.
Give your soon-to-be ex a lot of space to be upset and remove yourself immediately from any conversations that are hateful or abusive.
Pay off all debts and split things up fairly.
Seek professional help to mediate finality if you are too frightened and find yourself backing off from your firm decision.
Refrain from clingy sex and keep appropriate new boundaries to avoid confusion and undue stalling. Respect your partner’s boundaries and their need for distance.
Be kind to all of your mutual friends, as well as the friends of your partner. Avoid taking sides. There are no sides. There is just loss.
Use this time to take great care of yourself by getting in shape, not just physically but mentally. This is a very stressful time, no matter how adrenalized you may feel in leaving.
Keep your words in the affirmative about the situation and avoid all attempts to make you right and your partner wrong. Again, it is all just loss. There are no winners.
Be faithful to your soon-to-be ex and do not involve anyone else romantically in your complicated emotional maelstrom until you are truly separated.
Give your soon-to-be ex lots of physical space and let them attend to things without having to see your face.
Take up a new class or hobby to help you fill the new free time that is often fraught with compulsive over-thinking.
Take a short road trip alone or with friends to get some perspective after the big announcement.
Refrain from any social media postings about your status. RESPECT the transition.
Keep all your soon-to-be ex’s secret vulnerabilities SECRET. Do not ever reveal intimate facts. That would be tasteless and petty.
Let go of all letters and memorabilia as soon as possible, but in a discreet, honorable way.
Take time to feel all the emotions without involving your ex in a blow-by-blow battle. It is time for you to feel it all. Get a therapist or friend to be there for you.
When you make mistakes along the imperfect road of breaking up, admit to them and move on. Making a mistake is not code for failure.
If you are the friend of someone in the midst of this process, you can be truly helpful by encouraging the person to look in the mirror for the real lessons to be learned, and to keep an eye on the path ahead.
There is only power in looking at his or her part of the relationship, no matter how screwed up their partner’s actions seem to be. After all, so much of falling in love is in the feeling we get about ourselves in the eyes of the beloved.
It seems fitting that falling love is also about bravely enduring the feeling we get from looking in the eyes of one we have disappointed, whether they be our ex-lover’s or our own.
Cheating & Breakups | What to Do When Your Relationship Ends
Breakups suck, but they’re a part of life. Relationships only work when both people are happy in them. Here are some tips for dealing with breakups.
Breaking up with someone can be as hard as being dumped yourself. You may be worried about hurting them, or you may feel sad about the breakup even though you know it’s the right thing to do.
Relationships only work when both people want to be in them, and staying in a bad relationship that you don’t want to be in isn’t healthy for either of you.
It’s not fair to your boyfriend or girlfriend to keep a relationship going when you’re not feeling it, and it’s only going to hurt more the longer you wait to end it.
So it’s better to be honest as soon as possible about wanting to break up, even if it’s really hard.
There are no magic words you can say to make breaking up easy or painless. But you can make breaking up suck less by being straightforward and honest about your feelings (while still trying to be as kind as possible). If you're not sure what to say, try writing down your feelings and the reasons you want to break up. You can also get advice from your friends or family members.
Sometimes it’s hard to be honest about why you want to break up because you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. You don’t necessarily have to give a reason, but they’ll probably want to know why the relationship is ending — so be prepared for that question.
You can say things , “You’re a really great person, but I don’t think we’re right for each other” or, “I you a lot, but I don’t feel ready to be in a relationship right now.” You don’t have to go into details, but it’s not a good idea to make something up or lie either.
There are definitely bad ways to break up with someone. Most people think it’s more respectful to do it in person, not over text or social media. Don't ask a friend to deliver the news, because you don’t want to face the person yourself — it’s selfish and not fair to your soon-to-be ex.
Acting rude or distant so they’ll just “get the hint” may seem an easier way to break up, but it actually makes things harder, confusing, and more painful. Ghosting — when you just stop talking, texting, or hanging out without telling them why — is also an uncool way to end a relationship.
It’s not a great idea to break up with someone but then keep trying to hang out or hook up with them when you’re not interested in being in a relationship.
You might miss them and it may be tempting, but it can lead the other person on and make them think there’s hope of getting back together.
The best thing to do is be clear that the relationship ended, and give each other some space while you heal.
If you’re worried that breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is unsafe because they might hurt you or themselves, talk with a parent or adult you trust so they can help you stay safe. Read more about leaving an abusive relationship.
My boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me. How do I deal?
A broken heart can really hurt, but time heals all wounds (no seriously, it does). So how much time do you need to get over it? The answer is different for every person and every breakup.
You probably really cared about your ex and have good memories from your relationship, no matter how bad the breakup was.
So do what you need to do — cry, listen to sad music, go for a long walk or run, hang out with your friends, or write in a journal. Whatever works for you. These feelings can be hard to go through, but they’ll get less intense over time.
And try not to feel bad about yourself. Just because this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Talking with someone who cares about you and is willing to listen can also help.
Friends can be a great source of comfort, and don’t forget about your parents! It may feel kind of awkward to open up to them about it, but they’ve got a lot of experience with relationships and breakups — they’ve probably felt exactly this before and know how much it hurts. Plus, it’s their job to take care of you when you’re sad, so let them help.
It’s normal to be really mad at your ex after a breakup. But try not to post about them on social media.
It can lead to major drama and end up embarrassing you — and once something’s online, it’s there forever. If you’re feeling super angry, vent to your friends and family privately instead.
Or do something creative or physical, playing music or exercising, to help work through those feelings.
Some people try and stay friends with their ex, but it can be really hard and confusing to go from being in a relationship to being friends. It’s also not a great idea to keep hooking up with your ex after you break up.
Being “friends with benefits” may seem easier than a total breakup when you really miss someone, but it can make you (or them) feel a lot worse in the long run. It’s okay to take time away from your ex on social media, too.
That might mean unfriending or unfollowing them forever, or at least until you feel you’re over it.
Some people also try to heal by finding another boyfriend or girlfriend as quickly as possible. Crushing on someone else can definitely help you feel better in the moment. But if you still have feelings for your ex, it may impact the new relationship and be unfair to the new person. It’s usually better to wait until you’ve healed from an old relationship before starting a new one.
It’s totally normal and okay to be sad after a breakup. But if you’re so depressed from a breakup that it’s affecting your grades, activities, or family/friend relationships, think about talking with a counselor or therapist. If you need help finding a counselor, you can talk with your parents, doctor, school counselor, or the staff at your nearest Planned Parenthood health center.
What counts as cheating?
People have different opinions about what cheating is. So it's up to you and your boyfriend/girlfriend to decide what cheating means for your relationship. This means you have to talk honestly with them about it, and set limits you both feel comfortable with.
Some ways to tell that something you're doing might count as cheating are:
You have to hide or lie about what you're doing.
You think your boyfriend or girlfriend would be upset if they found out.
You feel guilty about it.
You wouldn't want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do it.
Betraying your boyfriend or girlfriend’s trust can be really painful and have long-term effects on your relationship.
If you’re constantly thinking about cheating or want to cheat, it may be a sign that you don’t want to be in this relationship.
And even though breaking up with someone sucks, it’s usually less hurtful than cheating on them behind their back. Cheating on your partner a lot and lying to them about it isn’t respectful — it’s abusive behavior.