- 17 Signs You May Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- 25 Signs Your Man Is a Narcissist
- 25 Signs Your Man Is A Narcissist
- 1. The Focus Is On Him and Him Alone
- 2. He Loves Attention
- 3. Playing Victim
- 4. Manipulation
- 5. Hero Mentality
- 6. He Knows No Boundaries
- 7. Lies
- 8. He Shows No Emotion and Lacks Empathy
- 9. He Gets Mean
- 10. He Demeans You
- 11. He Can Put On A Show When Needed
- 12. Loses Interest Rather Quickly
- 13. He Has Had Many Relationships
- 14. He Isolates You From Your Loved Ones
- 15. He Makes You Dependent On Him
- 16. He Has An Inability To Truly Open Up
- 17. He Doesn’t Stay At One Place Long
- 18. Never Takes Responsibility
- 19. Relationships
- 20. Anger
- 21. Perfectionist
- 22. Draws Emotion From You
- 23. Charming
- 24. Jealousy
- 25. When You Finally Leave
17 Signs You May Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder
It's usually not terribly difficult to spot a narcissist, or at least someone that displays narcissistic tendencies.
After all, it's a genuine psychological disorder, which the American Psychiatric Association defines as “comprising pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.
” Purportedly, narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, affects about 1 percent of the population, according to a 2016 cover story in Psychology Today.
To ID a narcissist in the wild, look for the person who hijacks nearly every conversation you have with them. Or the friend that never seems to make any effort to understand your problems. Both are exhibiting traits used to classify someone with NPD.
But when it comes to turning the lens on yourself, well, that can be a bit more difficult. After all, it's human nature to turn a blind eye to personal bad behavior—and that's especially true for narcissists. To that end, we've rounded up, straight from mental health experts, all the dead giveaways and tell-tale signs true narcissists exhibit on a regular basis.
Though narcissists struggle to form true connections with peers and partners, “they can be charismatic, often quite smart, charming, and very gripping,” says Ramani Durvasula, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist. Ultimately, what separates a caring, charismatic individual from a deceptively charming one is whether they maintain their manners or slowly devolve into someone who doesn't listen and lacks empathy.
The need for attention ly stems from childhood, according to psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson. “If the individual was either overly pampered or overly criticized they may be struggling with insecurity, low self-esteem, or jealousy,” she says. “In order to combat these feelings, they may try and put [themselves] on a pedestal in an attempt to feel better.”
If you're a narcissist, the only boundaries you recognize are you own.
In some cases, you may not be aware of a person's boundaries, while in others, you are aware, but don't care that you may be crossing them.
According to PsychCentral, narcissists often react to set boundaries with accusations—for instance, continually asking “why” instead of respecting the other person's wishes and leaving them alone.
“Narcissists also manipulate situations and violate boundaries, so trust becomes an issue,” Hershenson says. “Communication and trust are two of the most important traits in a healthy relationship, and with a narcissist, it is nearly impossible.”
Being a poor listener is an unseemly quality on its own, but when you combine it with a tendency to take control of conversations, you are exhibiting behavior characteristic of a narcissist.
“You could be talking to someone about a health scare you had, and the conversation drifts to [the narcissist's] upcoming vacation,” Hershenson says. “It is difficult to have a meaningful relationship with a narcissist because conversations are always one-sided and about them.”
PsychCentral reports that narcissists actually use shame to control others as a way to beat them to the punch and avoid embarrassment.
But Deborah Serani, PsyD, a professor at Adelphi University, says that a narcissist's goal is always to have a flowing supply of others to fulfill his or her needs.
“So, in order to do this, narcissists exert great control over their environment and their relationships,” she says. “Much of what is done is intellectual and calculated, planned, and well-rehearsed.”
To be sure, no one s to fail or make mistakes. But narcissists are particularly sensitive to those ego-bruising occurrences.
In fact, anything remotely threatening to their sense of self has to be eliminated, according to Serani. “The narcissist will use techniques denial, deflection, and blame-shifting,” she says.
“Most narcissists are very skilled at double-talk and can find the right way to twist blame away from themselves—and onto you.”
Some people argue that holding a grudge is an art, and for the narcissist, that may very well be true. “An individual with narcissism generally responds to threats to his or her sense of self by using the silent treatment or rage,” Serani says. “Because they cannot and will not own mistakes, the grudge services as a way of holding on to their need for vindication and rightness.”
Serani says that the damage done in the narcissist occurs very young in life, where the sense of self doesn't develop cohesively. “The narcissist is aware of these deficiencies, so the dreams, fantasies, or aspirations for the best, the most, the perfect, are deeply wished for to remedy the pathological defect,” she says.
Superficial friendships are the norm for narcissists. In fact, Serani says these are the only types of friendships they can manage. “Deep, caring, thoughtful relationships are not tolerated well by someone with narcissism,” she says. “This is because empathy and compassion are not traits found in a person with narcissism.”
Special treatment is the only treatment narcissists believe they should get. According to Serani, too much entitlement creates a particularly pathological strain of narcissism, where you don't really consider the needs of others, but rather only the ones that pertain to yourself.
Narcissists often consider themselves to be above or better in some way than those around them, including friends, co-workers, and family. This sense of superiority, however, is little more than a mask, Psychology Today reports.
Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, author of the blog Evolution on the Self, says that a narcissist's grand sense of self-importance generally goes well beyond their actual beauty, brilliance, or level of achievement.
A lack of empathy is one of the most identifiable qualities of a narcissist, according to Seltzer. “They literally are unable to feel another's distress and act with any genuine compassion for them,” he says.
A healthy competitive nature is one thing, but narcissists take things to the extreme. “When criticism and shaming from others lead us to question whether we're good enough, we're ly to overcompensate for these perceived flaws by doing things that might help us feel better than others,” Seltzer says. “Since, deep down, we question whether we're really as good as them.”
“Needing so much to protect their overblown but fragile ego, [a narcissist's] ever-vigilant defense system can be extraordinarily easy to set off,” Seltzer says.
“In challenging circumstances it's almost as though their very survival depends on being right or justified, whereas flat out (or humbly) admitting a mistake—or, for that matter, uttering the words 'I'm sorry' for some transgression—seem difficult to impossible for them.”
Both narcissists and patients with borderline personality disorder suffer from uncontrollable fits of rage.
“The reason that feelings of anger and rage are so typically expressed by them is that in the moment they externalize the far more painful anxiety- or shame-related emotions hiding just beneath them,” Seltzer explains. “When they're on the verge of feeling—or re-feeling—some hurt or humiliation from their past, their consequent rage conveniently 'transfers' these unwanted feelings to another.”
Narcissists are always seeking validation and praise from others. As marriage and family therapist Margalis Fjelstad explains: “They're constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, or wrong.
Narcissists fear any true intimacy or vulnerability because they're afraid you'll see their imperfections and judge or reject them.
No amount of reassurance seems to make a difference, because narcissists deeply hate and reject their own shameful imperfections.”
In order to work on a team, you need to be able to empathize with your teammates and have everyone's best interests in mind. “Don't expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything he wants for your benefit,” says Fjelstad. “It's useless.”
25 Signs Your Man Is a Narcissist
A narcissist will make you feel you're the best thing he'd ever laid eyes on. The idealize phase. He makes you think you've got it going on. This is only a ploy to reel you in. When he met you, his goal from the start was to make you feel as special as possible. It was all fake. You may be special, but not to him.
Instant gratification is what he is in search of. Narcissist use other people to feel good about themselves. If he treats you good, he knows you will be his supply until he finds someone else. Then he will devalue you. Then he will discard you. This is a game to the narcissist. You were his target. Learn the 25 signs your man is a narcissist.
25 Signs Your Man is a Narcissist | Source
- Craves admiration and acknowledgment. If you give a narcissist praise he will give you the biggest show of your life. A party isn't a party until a narcissist walks into the room. They have to be the center of attention or else. They feel superior to everyone and will sometimes even pretend to have done something great just for the acknowledgment.
- Needs compliments to feel good about himself. Compliments make a narcissist feel alive. Their whole game is to be admired 24/7. This is the only thing that gets their juices flowing. He can't go even a day without this. If you don't give him compliments he will find someone that will. He already has his eye on the next target anyway.
- Is always trying to make himself look good in front of others. Will put on a big show to make himself look superior around people. He demands to be the center of attention or else he'd rather be alone.
- Loves instant gratification. Narcissists are always searching for people or things that will give them instant gratification. He will have sex with just about anyone who pays him some attention.
- Never really loves anyone, but himself. Some may even believe that narcissists aren't capable of loving others at all. They pretend to love. A narcissist feels love physically, not emotionally. This is why they are always searching for new partners. A narcissist shows his love through sex, gifts and paying the bills. He believes this is all it takes to show love. If you stay with a narcissist for too long, you will forget what real love is.
- Has to have control. Narcissists are control freaks. He will want to control everything in your life. What you look , where you go and who you talk to. He will constantly try to make you change to fit what he wants you to be. He will also drill you on even your regular daily activities. He wants to know and be in control of everything.
- Is in competition with everyone. Narcissists believe they are superior to everyone. They also love it when people compete for their attention. They love the silly fighting women do over them. This will feed a narcissist already too big ego.
- Is always the victim. He gets a kick making people believe he has been wronged. He wants others to feel his fake pain and feel sorry for him. Oh you poor baby, how could she treat you that.
- Always shifts the blame. Everything he does is because someone else made him do it. Will take no responsibility for his actions if they are negative. Narcissists avoid problems until they get hand. Even if they are late for something. You or someone else was the reason for it.
- Shows little or no emotion. Narcissists can't stand being around emotional people. Showing a lot of emotions will cause conflict between you and the narcissist. They will think that you are weak and will run from you.
- He never apologizes even when he is at fault. Do not hold your breath if you are waiting on a narcissist to apologize. You will die before he does. And if he does apologize it will be so insincere you will feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry!
- Shows no empathy for others. When someone is hurting he doesn't feel it. When they are sick or die he can even joke and laugh about it. He is not capable of putting himself in anyone's shoes. A narcissist may even appear to be joyful by hearing others bad news. If it's not physically hurting him, he can't feel it.
- Puts his needs and wants always before yours. If I could do this or have that, then I would be a better man. He will spend money on things that aren't needed. He buys things for the purpose of making himself feel and look superior.
- Pretends to be someone he's not. Can play many different characters. They change from person to person. He can even change the way he talks from person to person. When he goes out he is always in character.
- Is not capable of building strong bonding relationships with anyone. This includes their children and other loved ones. Narcissists aren't equipped with nurturing skills. It's so sad, but we see it on a daily basis how children are neglected and hurt by a narcissistic parent.
- Puts on a great emotional show when need be. Because they lack emotion and empathy, when they are trying to be sincere it is very awkward. I have seen some great performances, some were Oscar-winning. The narcissist can even cry fake tears at funerals!
- Does not feel guilt. So stop asking yourself how can he keep doing the same stupid and mean shit to you over and over again. If you try to make him feel guilty or expose him, you will see his rage.
- Becomes full of rage when someone calls him out on anything. Remember a narcissist is never wrong. He will lash out at you and later on pretend nothing happened. A narcissist has two forms of dealing with situations. Ignore it or go into a fit of rage.
- Will lie about even ridiculous things. Telling a lie is second nature to a narcissist. Usually, if they are talking, they are lying. And if you catch him in a lie, he still won't admit to it.
- Can't be adored or praised by someone he'd rather be alone. Give a narcissist what they want or get their face. This is the attitude they will have with you after you fall for them. Remember he has or is working toward other supply.
- Is mean as hell! Suddenly Mr. Nice Guy disappeared. You're sitting there scratching your head wondering who this new man is. You are in the devalue phase. Remember narcissists pretend to be good people. They cannot keep this charade up forever. Their true cruel self eventually shows up. At this point, your time is limited. He may have already honed in on a new target. He may begin treating you as if he despises you.
- Constantly searches for new supply. When you feel the relationship is in trouble, it is. Every day a narcissist wants to find someone new to impress. If he seems distant it's because he's thinking about his next target. He will always be on the lookout for someone that will treat him better than you.
- Makes weakening you a goal. This is only so he can get you to do whatever he wants you to. He'll make you feel guilty. He'll make you feel fearful. He'll make you feel alone. He'll make you feel ashamed. Once all of this is achieved your need for him becomes greater. This is what he believes will make you continue to love and adore him and be his supply until he's ready to discard you.
- Enjoys your pain. When a narcissist knows they've hurt you this only makes them happy. Remember they crave attention, good or bad. If they know the relationship is over they will try to make you as miserable as possible. This is part of the devalue phase.
- Can dismiss you you are a stranger once you figure him out and stop showing him admiration. This is the discard phase. A narcissist will discard you with little warning. You may want to work it out, but he can't. His problem-solving skills are limited to rage or walking away. Hopefully you realize, you want the latter. Count your blessings and move on.
Reading “The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists” by Eleanor Payson, will help you understand your co-dependency on the narcissist. After taking a psychology class, I wanted to explore narcissism a little more.
I read this book and it confirmed my suspicions. It confirmed I was in a long term relationship with a narcissist. This book taught me how to deal with him accordingly.
I personally recommend this book to anyone who believes that they are in a narcissistic relationship.
These are good telltale signs your man is a narcissist. Women can be narcissist too and display these same signs. You will find narcissists at work and in your own family. They are everywhere waiting to pounce on a new target. Remember they use other people to feel good about themselves.
If you feel that you are in a relationship with a narcissist you need to seek help. If you decide to stay with a narcissist, they will emotionally destroy you. Unless they get help for their narcissism the cycle will continue. Building new relationships and letting old ones die is the reality of the narcissist. Before you commit to any relationship always remember these signs.
25 Signs Your Man Is A Narcissist
When you first start to date things can seem to go very well, you may seem to think that your man is just popular, confident or has that winner mentality. But then, as time goes on, and your relationship begins to progress, you begin to see a shift in his priority. Now that he has won you over, you can begin to see his true side.
Sometimes it’s quite easy to spot a narcissistic man, but other times you need to look a little harder for the signs. Here are 25 signs to help you find them.
1. The Focus Is On Him and Him Alone
When dating a narcissist, you may find yourself catering to him more than yourself or anyone else. You can’t make any plans without running it by him. You have to make sure everything is perfect for him so he’ll still you, and find you pretty.
2. He Loves Attention
Usually during a dinner or social gathering he is always the one telling the jokes, telling the stories, putting up a show or façade to please his friends to make himself feel “the man.” He loves it when people compliment him saying that he is so awesome, or great.
3. Playing Victim
Maybe its something tragic that has happened to him, and you’ll often hear him telling the sad tale over and over to get people to feel sorry for him, making him feel loved or the victim.
At a certain point in your relationship, you may reveal some unfortunate or impacting things from your past relationships, or just your life in general. In certain situations he may bring these things up to dangle over your head, opening up fresh wounds to get you to do what he wants. He can make you seem ungrateful, or the bad guy, even to yourself .
5. Hero Mentality
Narcissistic men love to be needed, it’s so pleasing to them to see you struggling just so they can help and brag on it later. And when you want to do something on your own, he tends to get an attitude, twisting it to make you feel as if you may not need him. Which makes you chase him and pamper him until he is happy again.
6. He Knows No Boundaries
He tends to feel extremely possessive and that he has an entitlement to everything, including you. He doesn’t the word “no”, and can get very angry, very quickly if he hears the word or the implication of it.
He lies about the simplest things, he exaggerates, and blows them unnecessarily proportion to get his way. Then looks shocked when he gets caught in a lie, and will not admit the deed.
8. He Shows No Emotion and Lacks Empathy
When things go wrong for you, a boyfriend typically does things to help you feel better, and usually tries to cheer you up. A narcissist will usually be unsympathetic, and will make you feel as if you’re being dramatic and that what ever is happening in your life, is not as important as his wants or needs.
9. He Gets Mean
Typically when trying to woo you he is sweet and charming, but as soon as he knows the two of you have a relationship, the mask comes off revealing his true identity. He becomes very aggressive and very careless when it comes to you.
10. He Demeans You
At first it can be little jokes here and there, and then it develops into something bullying. Nitpicking at everything you do, everything you wear, your weight, your looks, and it seems to never end. It goes on to the point where you ask his opinion for everything, trying to make sure you’re good enough him, slowly losing yourself and who you really are.
11. He Can Put On A Show When Needed
Even though he lacks emotion and empathy for you that doesn’t mean he lacks any for himself. If he finds himself in a position that he will lose something he needs to keep him happy, he will pull the biggest display of emotion ever seen to keep you. Don’t be fooled, in the blink of an eye he will go straight back to his old ways.
12. Loses Interest Rather Quickly
You may find yourself bending over backwards for just some of his attention, because he may have other women in his arsenal, doing just as much as you. Narcissistic men love attention especially coming from different women, making him feel a king. Having a woman is just another ego boost.
13. He Has Had Many Relationships
Sure, things happen, you meet new people and move on. But for him he has had multiple relationships in a very short amount of time, be careful of this. Narcissistic men tend to discard women very easily, leaving your life just as fast as they came in it.
14. He Isolates You From Your Loved Ones
He removes your friends and family who try and help you, he wants you to have no means of escape from him, controlling everything that you do. Or maybe you find your friends and family warning you of his deceptive ways, and you lash out at them yourself, all the while defending him, driving a wedge between you and your loved ones.
15. He Makes You Dependent On Him
He also may be set financially and doesn’t want you to work so he can “take care of you” . But that’s just another form of dependence, making you ask for money just so he can have the power to say yes or no.
16. He Has An Inability To Truly Open Up
Your man may tell you bits and pieces of his life to keep you interested and asking for more, but he lacks the ability to really open up and tell you everything. Constantly keeping you guessing who he truly is, and what he has been through, and if any of it is actually real at all.
17. He Doesn’t Stay At One Place Long
Whether its with relationships, jobs, or schools he doesn’t stay long. Perhaps you should wonder as to why so many different things about his life are constantly changing. It could be because the people who were involved with him saw his true colors.
18. Never Takes Responsibility
You could argue for days, and he would never even think for a second to apologize. He always avoids saying “I’m sorry.”
He never actually defines your relationship, he feels as though he is too good to be tied down. Therefore reaping the benefits of a relationship such as intimacy, and attention but never fully committing.
He can go from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds, he can lose his temper rather quickly at little things.
Some narcissist have a certain image that they to uphold and upkeep, and when something in their perfect world is misplaced they snap.
22. Draws Emotion From You
Narcissistic men will try to draw emotion from you, whether it’s anger, sadness, happiness etc. It’s T.V to them and they will do the smallest things to change the channel.
Even after all the things that they have done during your relationship, they can still find a way to sweep you off of your feet with their charm as if it was the first time. It makes you forget about all the dirt they’ve done prolonging your relationship with them.
They can get very jealous and competitive when it comes to you. They don’t want to see you happy or with someone else so they’ll sabotage any opportunity that might look promising for you.
25. When You Finally Leave
When you finally decide to leave, and they realize that the old tricks won’t work anymore, they will snap and you will see it all unfold.
Being in a relationship with a narcissistic person can be stressful and exhausting. If you see these signs in your relationship leave as soon as possible